The Red Right Hand
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P.S. I Love You (Richard LaGravenese)
5/10
'An average chick-flick but LaGravenese butchered a good romance novel... that and Gerard Butler is not Irish'


THE PAINTED VEIL (John Curran)
7/10
'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned; sometimes this rings true for men too. Deep, poignant and well-paced for an adaptation but will only find popularity with a niche market'


THE PACIFIER (Adam Shankman)
2/10
'Why do huge muscly actors insist on doing kid's comedies.... badly? [for examples see Mr. Nanny, Kindergarten Cop, etc]'


PAPARAZZI (Paul Abascal)
2/10
'No one should have to be subjected to watching this cack'


PASSENGERS (Rodrigo Garcia)
2/10
'Awful premise, piss-poor acting but luckily a rather forgettable piece'


PATHFINDER (Macus Nispel)
2/10
'A very dull film that once again taints the legends of a once proud people (Viking or Inuit, take your pick). It's just a shame because this is a story that could have been really well done, in the right hands'


PAUL BLART: MALL COP (Steve Carr)
3/10
'I like Kevin James, he's a comic talent like few others but this film is just dumbed-down, family-friendly nonsense'


PAYCHECK (John Woo)
4/10
'Another Philip K. Dick piece contorted and ruined by on-screen adaptation'


THE PEACEMAKER (Mimi Leder)
4/10
'Fairly forgettable thriller but all things considered, reasonably well-acted'


PEARL HARBOUR (Michael Bay)
1/10
'FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUCK! Damn it, Bay, what is wrong with you!?'


PENELOPE (Mark Palansky)
6/10
'The originality is certainly there but this film lacks a considerable amount of heart; just watch Stardust'


PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS: THE LIGHTNING THIEF (Chris Columbus)
5/10
'Suffering from toned-down mythology and deplorably annoying lead characters, Percy Jackson will entertain families but warrants little attention'


THE PERFECT STORM (Wolfgang Peterson)
6/10
'Feels more like a documentary than a drama-at-sea but good performances all round nevertheless'


PERFUME: THE STORY OF A MURDERER (Tom Tykwer)
7/10
'Intelligent, engaging and beautiful to watch - even if the gore and final mass orgy is a little over-the-top'


PERRIER'S BOUNTY (Ian Fitzgibbon)
4/10
'An average concept paired with mediocre execution that produces little more than sub-par entertainment. Bar a few select performances, little worth mentioning here'


THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (Joel Schumacher)
7/10
'Not as good as the stage, but comes pretty close'


PHANTOMS (Joe Chappelle)
7/10
'Hideously under appreciated Koontz suspense-horror adaptation - even if it did come from the director of the worst Halloween film'


PHILADELPHIA (Jonathan Demme)
9/10
'Pre-eminent topical drama belted out by two of the greatest dramatic heavyweights'


PHONE BOOTH (Joel Schumacher)
7/10
'Original and exhilarating concept, if a little short'


PI (Darren Aronofsky)
9/10
'Despicably intelligent, warped drama'


THE PIANIST (Roman Polanski)
9/10
'Wonderful tribute to hope and humanity in a time completely void of it; up there with Schindler's List as one of the most powerful WWII films'


PINEAPPLE EXPRESS (David Gordon Green)
6/10
'Better than any other stoner flick but fails to rise above the subject matter'


THE PINK PANTHER (Shawn Levy)
1/10
'You know I don't have to explain how bad this film is, the list would run on for pages.. I'll just say it's awful'


THE PINK PANTHER 2 (Harald Zwart)
1/10
'More stars roped into another terrible outing led by Steve 'I Wish I Still Was Still Funny' Martin'


PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (Gore Verbinski)
9/10
'Stupidly entertaining pirate-y goodness'


PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST (Gore Verbinski)
8/10
'Fairly lengthy and jam-packed but still the best blockbuster sequel of the summer'


PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD'S END (Gore Verbinski)
6/10
'Glad I saw it but the thought of watching it again does make me cringe a little'


PLANET OF THE APES (Tim Burton)
6/10
'Visually alluring re-imagining of the 1968 classic but the story wanes considerably '


GRINDHOUSE - PLANET TERROR (Robert Rodriguez)
5/10
'A nice little homage to a lost art but with films like Dawn Of The Dead (re-make) and 28 Days Later reviving the genre, do we really need to hark back to the dregs? I can see the benefits of roots and an artist's sketch-work but this may be taking it a little too far'


PLEDGE THIS! (William Heins)
1/10
'Heinz beans cause flatulence, Heins films cause violent projectile vomiting - simple really'


PLATOON (Oliver Stone)
10/10
'One of the most realistic war movies ever made'


THE POLAR EXPRESS (Robert Zemeckis)
7/10
'Beautiful and delightful Christmas tale; don't think the motion-capture CGI will age well, though'


GAKE NO UE NO PONYO (Hayao Miyazaki)
[Ponyo - Japanese]
9/10
'As with every Miyazaki release, Ponyo is a work of sheer heart-warming excellence'


POSEIDON (Wolfgang Peterson)
5/10
'I think Peterson is desperately clinging to the notion that he is the God of Ocean-orientated films - after Das Boot and The Perfect Storm - this clearly proves that he is not'


POUR ELLE (Fred Cavaye)
[Anything For Her - French]
8/10
'Original, unique and thrilling'


PREMONITION (Mennan Yapo)
2/10
'Big Bullock bomb'


THE PRESTIGE (Christopher Nolan)
8/10
'A deep and perplexing plot holds throughout this optically beautiful illusion; only minor quibbles knock it down'


PRIDE AND GLORY (Gavin O'Connor)
6/10
'Fairly formulaic cop-drama but the cast make it work'


PRIME (Ben Younger)
3/10
'Irritating and cliched. It wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't try to inject so much drama. The serious element just makes the undercutting comedy seem cheap'


PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME (Mike Newell)
3/10
'Sloppy, unimpressive and wholly uninspired schlock'


THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG (Ron Clements & John Musker)
6/10
'Similarly to Bolt, Disney take a step in the right direction but they are a long way off the monolithic pictures that Pixar are currently releasing'


THE PRODUCERS (Susan Stroman)
8/10
'A colourful, vibrant remake that's sure to please'


PROOF (John Madden)
7/10
'Inspiring and touching'


THE PROPOSAL (Anne Fletcher)
4/10
'In a word, nauseating; escapism to the nth degree'


THE PROPOSITION (John Hillcoat)
8/10
'Skillful storytelling married perfectly with gripping atmosphere, providing an impeccable analysis of human nature'


PUBLIC ENEMIES (Michael Mann)
9/10
'Unique in look and feel, this is a work of visionary finesse'


PULP FICTION (Quentin Tarantino)
10/10
'Gritty, gripping and positively mesmerising'


PUNCH-DRUNK LOVE (Paul Thomas Anderson)
7/10
'Radical step for Sandler which shows that the buffoon can actually act'


PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (Lexi Alexander)
4/10
'As a Punisher I was somewhat pleased but it's still a very below average release that merits little attention'


THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS (Gabriele Muccino)
6/10
'Bland but entertaining film held together by a fantastic performance from Will Smith'
PUSH (Paul McGuigan)
6/10
'Similar to Jumper this film is a very nonsensical, effects driven mess but as per usual, Chris Evans offers another stellar performance proving he shouldn't be constrained to pitiful releases such as this'