THE RED RIGHT HAND PODCAST

[30 August 2008]
PODCAST Episode II

People Lose Teeth Talking Like That. If You Want To Hang Around, You'll Be Polite
Introduction
Hello and welcome to the second podcast, courtesy of myself, The Red Right Hand. Last month's podcast (which was my first attempt under a tight deadline, I might add) was a surprising success, despite my many blunders. I received a few emails, praising the content but almost everybody had the same complaints: there were fluctuations in the vocals, the music was a little too loud, you bored the piss out of me, you talk too quickly, you said dervastating instead of devastating, blah blah blah. One witty git wrote in saying, "If I were to write a review of your podcast, my highlighted quote would be errr." er, um, erm, er, ah, er, piss off! I would also like to congratulate a great many listeners who put 2 + 2 together to figure out that all the film samples were from movies titled with the letter D. Nobody guessed them all correctly but good luck this month. Moving swiftly on, this month, with the release of The Dark Knight continuing to dominate the box office, new releases have been few and far between. I would like to take a moment to offer a minute of silence for my comic-book mentor, Dave Chapman, who has yet to see The Dark Knight. Unfortunately, Dave, a minute of silence could be classed as dead air, so just pause this broadcast for about a minute. Having said that we have more feedback to address and a bundle of interviews. Enjoy.

*You better start talking, asshole! 'Cause we got shit we need to talk about!*

Review Of August 2008
This month we had fifteen new UK releases.

Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging
Teen/Comedy
Dir. Gurinder Chadha

Babylon A.D.
Sci-Fi/Thriller
Dir. Mathieu Kassovitz

Get Smart
Action/Comedy
Dir. Peter Segal

Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Action/Fantasy
Dir. Guillermo Del Toro

The Love Guru
Comedy
Dir. Marco Schnabel

Make It Happen
Dance Drama
Dir. Darren Grant

Man On Wire
Documentary
Dir. James Marsh

The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor
Action/Adventure
Dir. Rob Cohen

Le Renard Et L'enfant (The Fox & The Child)
Family
Dir. Luc Jacquet

Space Chimps
Animated/Family
Dir. Kirk De Micco

Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Animated/Aciton
Dir. Dave Filoni

Step Brothers
Comedy
Dir. Adam McKay

Wild Child
Teen/Comedy
Dir. Nick Moore

The X-Files: I Want To Believe
Paranormal/Thriller
Dir. Chris Carter

You Don’t Mess With The Zohan
Action/Comedy
Dir. Dennis Dugan
*Why I can smile and murder while I smile *

New Reviews & Feedback
[04-08-08] The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor
"A foul tasting afterthought that tramples over everything the original films built up"
3/10
So, quite a lot of feedback to get through. First off, I received this delightfully baffling note from Kim.
Kim: Oh, for the love of God! Get a life! Can't we just enjoy an action film without some politically correct bullshit!? What's wrong with Chinese people speaking American? - Yes, she just said American - And what was wrong with Maria Bello? Now suddenly women have to be ugly and insecure in order to be accepted!? Fuck your review! Stop whining and enjoy the movie! - I'm sure you’re just as stunned as I was. I also received this from the more level-headed Hammad
Hammad: The first few minutes were entertaining but the rest felt like a jumbled mess of ideas. He then proceeded to add. Please mention me in your podcast, that'd be so cool and even though my name is Hammad, don't try and put on a stupid accent when reading this out. - I don't know if an American accent constitutes as a stupid accent but you’ve stated you live in East Longmeadow, Massachusetts so I just impersonated a yank; hope that's to your liking. But of course, idiots usually talk the loudest. The idiot in this case is Abigail, whose email was entitled The Number 1 Movie In The World!
Abigail: The Mummy 3 is loads of fun and a complete joy from start to finish. You'll be glued to your seat 'till the very end. - Ah mixing phrases, "Glued to the screen and on the edge of your seat" - All my friends read your site and agree with your reviews but I tell them to ignore you this time. - I love this statement. Obviously it plays to my ego and I get to think about a whole huddle of readers, then I revel at the prospect that they all agree with me only to be told not to see a film that they've already seen by one of their own. Brilliant. - Maria Bello was a very good replacement and she gave her best! Her British accent was aces and almost convinced me that she was Rachel Weisz. All in all, you're wrong, it's an excellent movie! - Hehehe, almost convinced me that she was Rachel Weisz... You can't beat this stuff. If you happen to be a friend of Abigail's, you have my utmost sympathies - each day must present a new challenge.

[05-08-08] The Duchess
"Graced with pomp and ceremony and little else"
4/10
As this film isn't yet released in the UK or US, I've had little feedback. The Daily Mail have called it a triumph... but what do they know? I have a brief quote from my good friend, Mr. Wickham, which I can play for you now. *Brief interview with Daniel Wickham*

[11-08-08] Get Smart
"Mediocre action film with a few jokes slung in for good measure. Overall, a tad boring"
5/10
Get Smart was released in the States sometime late June and having seen it I'm still shocked that it got to number 1. More than that, I was shocked people actually thought it was good! It's only been out a week over here but the general reaction seems to be... meh. I did receive an email or two. This is from Ryan.
Ryan: If you were a fan of the original Get Smart series, there would be no question; you would love this movie. - This is actually a fair statement, so I'm not going to contest it. However, William kindly sent me this
William: Get Smart was awesome you stuck-up, limey prick! Critics suck! - Inspired stuff.

[13-08-08] Hellboy II: The Golden Army
"Exquisite visual storytelling"
9/10
At the start of my review I explained that this film was visually enthralling but wouldn't appeal to everyone. Despite this, certain readers felt the need to write in and complain. This delightful number is from a spineless turd who calls himself Luiz: Luiz: This film is a discredit to the human race, man! I went into this expecting to see a fun, mindless action movie but it was the opposite of entertaining. It was a mess of things that didn't make any sense. None of it came off as believable to me and the only redeeming part of the whole thing was Prince Nuada who was sinister and gravity defying and interesting to watch. I found myself rooting for him to stab the shit out of Hellboy. - I love the fact that this dude has berated the film for being unbelievable then says the best part is the gravity defying bad guy; idiot. Other than that the feedback was all positive, mostly lots of nodding and agreeing. Oh, and congratulations to those who got the Total Recall reference.

[19-08-08] Babylon A.D.
"A jumbled mess, damn you Fox!"
5/10

*NOT AVAILABLE AT PRESENT*

Ratings
For a critic, Summer is a time when the screenings are few and the blockbusters many. Up and down the country, cinemas are loaded with crappy kids' films and sloppy action flicks. Every once-in-a-while you'll stumble over a gem but by-and-large, it's mostly tat to keep the kids quiet during the holidays. With that in mind, I shouldn't have been overly surprised by the shite I had to sit through. We had the grossly offensive and completely unfunny The Love Guru. A sure-fire sign that Mike Myers is following Eddie Murphy in a string of concepts that were best left on a notepad during some brainstorming meeting. Space Chimps was nothing more than another pointless, half-arsed, CGI kids film with little going for it and Wild Child, with its oh-so-tired Yank comes to England and shakes things up formula was a complete waste of everybody's time. Finally, The X-Files: I Want To Believe. The less time I spend on this nonsense the better. I'm a big fan of the series, I mean, it seems a little dated now but it still holds up. This new film, however, just feels like an extended version of a badly-written filler episode. Very disappointing. And if you're wondering why I have yet to mention that animated Star Wars flick, it's only because I can't bring myself to talk about it. There's not enough time either in a written review or this broadcast. It's just... it's just awful.

*The mansion above us is an emergency entrance to the hive. You are security operatives placed there to protect that entrance*

Best & Worst Releases Of The Month
2. The Clone Wars
1. The Love Guru


2. Man On Wire
1. Hellboy II: The Golden Army

*NOT AVAILABLE AT PRESENT*

Special Feature
Two special interest pieces for you, this month, featuring Kirsti Brooksby and Jon Hedges.
*Interview with Kirsti Brooksby about Get Smart*

*So give me a stage where this bull here can rage. And though I can fight, I'd much rather recite; that's entertainment!*

*Interview with Jonathan Hedges about comic book adaptations*

*Do you think she loves you? Is that it? She's just fucking desperate, mate. Danny, she's gonna bring us both down*

Coming Soon
So, what's been peaking my interest, captivating my mind? A lot, actually. Having seen an early trailer for the adaptation of video game Max Payne, I am a little wary. Max Payne is a great game, think Sin City minus the hookers; noir noir blam blam. The film however, does not feel like an action-noir flick, it feels like The Punisher. If it works it will work beautifully, if not it will swept under the rug along with many other crappy adaptations. Then there's Christmas. By Christmas, of course, I mean the first week of October to the last week of December. What is usually a time for blockbusters and towering sequels has been reduced to a medley of titles. The three on my mind would have to be Quantum Of Solace (the new Bond flick, for the ill informed), Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince and The Day The Earth Stood Still. That was until the shadow of the writer's strike reared its ugly head. Yes, if you haven't heard, Potter has bee delayed until July next year. I'm quietly confident that Bond will churn out a valiant, worthy effort but as a big fan of the original Day The Earth Stood Still, I'm not convinced by what I've seen so far. *No way... No way!* *Yes way, Ted!* Then there's Valkyrie. Bryan Singer's eagerly awaited Nazi drama has been moved (again) and scheduled for a Boxing Day release - for listeners outside of the UK and Ireland, that's the 26th of December, or Kwanzaa if you're African... or Hanukkah if you're Jewish... doesn't it start on the 22nd this year? Whatever. Oh, and finally, I'm still jazzed about Watchmen. Of late, if I'm having a conversation about films, the Citizen Kane of the comic book world needs to be mentioned. Please be good!

*What's your angle sister? What bank do you want robbed, who do you want killed and which do you want done first?*
*First? How about a drink*

What I Watched Today
I've been rather busy today but over the last 24 hours, I managed to watch three films. The first being Bladerunner *Fiery the angels fell, deep thunder rolled around their shores, burning with the fires of Orc* One of my all-time favourite films, not to mention one of the best science fiction flicks ever made. Followed by the hilarious Thank You For Smoking *After watching the Kent State shootings on TV, Bobby J, then seventeen, decided he wanted to join the National Guard so he could shoot at college students. Unfortunately the National Guard recruiter was out that day so he ended up shooting Panamanians. Which was almost as good as college students only they shoot back* and finally a little sappy indulgence from Kiki's Delivery Service *Don't blame me if you're late for your party* *I can't take her money without helping her out*. Oh, I also watched some Red Vs. Blue *They will all taste oblivion, which tastes just like Red Bull... which is disgusting* No reason to mention that except to add that audio sample.

*Let's drink to Danny’s honour. Let's swing 'em to God. And hope that he gets to Heaven at least an hour before the devil finds out he's dead*

Outro
I have one final point to address before closing this month's episode and that is to highlight and recommend another podcast; yep, fuelling the competition. I've subscribed to the Richard & Steve Podcast for almost a year now and it tickles me. Before making mention of its location, I must highlight that the content is extraordinarily random in its diversity and offensive in its nature yet if you get the humour, you should have few complaints. So, what's it about? Stuff and things, the thoughts of two young men living in Norwich, England, thoughts on society and the world we inhabit, all that good stuff. Cinematic releases also get a mention every now-and-then by regular, Marley, but he's an evil cockney fish-gobbler and I wouldn't trust a word that comes out of his hairy mouth - but that's just my opinion. So, if you think you would like to sample their aural delights (that's aural spelt AURAL), then type in movietalk.podcast.com or email them at richardandstevepodcast@hotmail.co.uk. If you have any thoughts or feedback regarding their podcast, be sure to send it to them… not me. Hope you've enjoyed this month's podcast and please excuse the mess that was Episode I. IT WAS MY FIRST TIME! I WAS NERVOUS! Besides, I intend to rerecord it at a later date, so look out for that. Please do tune in next month for more cinematic dronings and, as always, stay loyal. Happy viewing, kids.

If you have any comments, please feel free to email me at theredrighthandatyourservice@yahoo.co.uk
This month's podcast was brought to you by the letter R



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