THE RED RIGHT HAND PODCAST

[29 August 2009]
PODCAST Episode XIV

Here's A List Of Your Friends In The Order They Died

Introduction
Good afternoon, kids. Well, first things first, I have an enormous list of names to read out to you. With my elation at the release of Watchmen on DVD and Blu-Ray last month, it would appear I made my audio samples quiz a little too easy. As such my inbox has been bombarded with suggestions. Here is a list of the winners, who will all receive a terribly overrated mystery prize: JackRox from Sydney, Australia; Bud Macy from Indianapolis, US; Casey from the US; Richard from the US; Julia from Berkshire, UK; Mr. Moore from Gloucestershire, UK; Tanvi from Kanpur, India; Wayne from New Hampshire, US; HamsterGirl69 from Vancouver, Canada; XweApox12 from the US; Jim from the UK; Daniel from Norfolk, UK; Alex Griffin, Kansas City, Missouri, US; Orestes from Thimphu, Bhutan; Adam Gunton from Norfolk, UK; Ash Clayton from Queens, New York, US; Dwight Vassell from California, US; DonnySprat from Pennsylvania, US; Taylor Ward from Phoenix, Arizona - Taylor has asked me to say something specific when I read out his name.. so here goes *ahem* Go Cardinals! Moving on, Marie Lindsey from Limerick, Ireland; Jason Jussila from somewhere in Malta - that's all he wrote 'somewhere in Malta'; CherryBrooke56 from London, UK; Hot_Venus03 from Seattle, Washington, US; Spider89119 from the UK. And finally, all my loyal followers in East Longmeadow, Massachusetts: Hammad Scott, Tamara Killington, Amy Parker, Mark Shaw, Lucy Ranas, Jennifer Vertigan and Karen Burroughs. All of whom apparently take part in their own Noir Night based on the film that I announce here on the podcast so a big thumbs up to my little New England followers... maybe I'll post you guys a signed picture or something. *Yeah, that's good. What's this little bit here he's put?* *Don't read that bit* *What is it?* *Howard, could I possibly have a signed photograph of your cock and balls?* Once again, my apologies for that long list but if you're listening to this, it's probably your fault. Addressing last month's discussion about Nazis on film, the rather talented Nick Claydon sent me an email explaining he thoroughly enjoyed the history chatter, stating, It's about time someone somewhere made a decent Eastern Front film. He also recommended conspiracy and voiced his frustrations with Enemy At The Gates. I argued with him briefly about the worth of Enemy At The Gates but I'm glad to hear somebody got what we were trying to highlight in last month's segment. By the way, I'm a big fan of Claydon's artwork and comic strip, so head on over to creative-catharsis.com and have a look. I also received a text yesterday from Richard Sheppard on the same subject who added Bertolucci's Conspiracy and Mother Night skillfully played with the less forgiveness as a foregone conclusion sort of film type. Simonetta sent in this question, I don't get it, why don't you report on upcoming DVDs? Isn't that a big part of films? Although you're correct, DVDs and Blu-Rays are a big part of movies, so many editions of old and new films are released that to simply list them would cut into a substantial amount of my broadcast. There's also the region aspect to consider. As you live in Italy, your release dates will differ slightly from the UK dates, despite both belonging to the same region, but the differences between UK and US releases are vast. So, the simplest answer, it's easier not to. And one final note about the newest page to the website, the Cinema City Quiz page. As stated last month, I've been asked to host the fortnightly film quiz at Cinema City in Norwich and it's been going down rather well. In an attempt to encourage people who think the quiz may be too hard, I've posted all the questions, answers and team names on a new page which can be accessed from most pages. And one final email to read out from Erland in Missouri, Tell me, why are you so down on Megan Fox anyhow? I get that she's not the greatest actress in the world but she's one of the hottest, what's the big deal? The big deal is that I'm not grading her on looks or sexual appeal, I'm grading her as an actress because it's my job to. *I'm so embarrassed* And as an actress, she's a stump. A tree stump in a field that no tractor can pull out so we're stuck with it until someone has the power to shunt her out of view ...did I just make a farming reference? Jesus.. I've been living in Norwich too long. Alright, moving on.

*Be careful what you shoot at, most things in here don't react too well to bullets*

Review Of August 2009
Adam
Bandslam
Dance Flick
The Final Destination
Funny People
G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
I Love You, Beth Cooper
Imagine That
Inglourious Basterds
Orphan
A Perfect Getaway
The Ugly Truth

*I was on this tour for one reason, money. But now I got a new reason, kicking your ass*
*Well, I'd like to see you try*

Daniel's Thought Of The Month
Good afternoon and welcome to my thought of the month. I saw Harry Potter 6 this month and was very annoyed and very disappointed because nothing happened in that movie whatsoever. What a waste of my time. If only someone had given me like a review that was correct and fair. Then I wouldn't have gone and seen that movie and wasted my time. They're all bastards. I can name some, I have a prepared list. *Read it* Yeah, it's just your name over-and-over again, Matthew. Does that make you uncomfortable? Does my love make you uncomfortable? I want you to be uncomfortable. And it's my thought of the month, so I can only do one.. so that is all. Thank you and good luck, everyone.... you're gonna need it.

*I may not be a man of God, Reverend, but I know right and I know wrong and I have the good grace to know which is which*
*Oh, fuck off, grasshopper*

New Reviews & Feedback
[02-08-09] Bandslam
"Neatly avoids being too formulaic, holding a fair few surprises but still a typically mediocre release"
6/10
Karen-Lynn from Buffalo, New York sent this, I'd never heard of you or your site but as you were the only critic to have a review for this film, I gave it a go and I just love your writing! Seriously! Keep up the good work! After receiving that rather flattering email I responded and asked for her thoughts on the film. She replied with, Yeah, I liked it. I also received this rather garbled message from Shane in Nebraska, I was pleasantly surprise by this film, the dialogs are well written - witty and not contrive. Everyone was developed and relatable. I laughed and cried. Each actor was on point in playing their characters. Great casting. This is the sleeper hit of the summer - you should read this out on your podcast. And so I have.

[03-08-09] The Ugly Truth
"The real ugly truth is that it will make you laugh at things you shouldn't laugh at and agree with things you shouldn't agree with. Having said that, it's still far from perfect"
6/10
This charming statement was sent in from Berkley, California by Johnny, You really are woman-hating bastard, what the fuck happened in your life that made you so bitter and twisted? *chuckle* Interesting question, long answer - and one which I'm going to choose to ignore. Jennie from Alberta wrote in with this, Oh my gosh, this film was so funny. I know I really shouldn't have liked it but that's what you said in your review, right? All my girlfriends loved it. By the way, you have hot eyes. Jerry from Inverness wanted to know, What the fuck was with Butler's accent? Yeah, Gerard Butler doesn't usually have the best of luck with his accents but I didn't think this was awful but certainly a minor point of note, if anything. And finally, this comment came from Georgie in Norfolk, UK, Georgie Oatley's email.

[04-08-09] G.I. Joe: Rise Of Cobra
"Who would have thought a G.I. Joe film would be half-decent, let alone one of the best action releases of the Summer '09 line-up?"
7/10
Lonny sent me these scathing words, What the fuck, man? You've given much better films worse reviews in the past! How could you possibly like this shit!? You're such a fucking sell out! Hardly, I feel I fully justified my reasons and presented a clear case of why this film was relatively enjoyable sooooo.. fuck you. Ulrich from Dessau in Germany wrote in with this similar email, I don't get it, there's no difference between this film and Transformers 2, how could you slate that one and not this one? Well, there was no attempt at an overly-serious plot, it was well-paced and edited, you could usually see what was going on, the sexual suggestion was subtle, oh... and no giant, swinging robot testicles. A film can be a little silly and stupid without insulting audiences completely. Darren from Birmingham UK wrote in with these thoughts, This film is for overpaid thirty year olds who want to feel nostalgia for toys they played with when they were ten Which, again, closely mirrors an email from Miguel in London, I went to see this flick with a few buddies and although I wouldn't rush out to see it again, I really enjoyed it. All but the uber geek purists who kept talking about Cobra not having a hood or some shit. Glad you enjoyed it but yes, purists are very difficult to please. I realise I am a bit of a source-material-purist but I'm always willing to see what a new creative mind can bring to a series - problems usually stem from the creativity of the minds employed to adapt/reinvent the material. After further correspondence with Miguel, he sent this final comment, Geeks hate every movie that comes out, no movie is ever good enough for them. Nothing can ever live up to when they were 12 years old jacking it to princess leia in her gold bikini. They need to get a fuckin life! A little harsh but... there's certainly an element of truth in there.

[10-08-09] Inglourious Basterds
"Blisteringly daring and innovative; a work of sheer excellence that dances along the thin blade that divides madness and brilliance"
8/10
No real negative comments to read out here. If anything, the majority of readers thought I didn't praise the film enough. John from Wyoming called it, an experimental masterpiece and Lola in Artois said, Just breathtaking. On a more random note, George wrote in to say, You must have liked the inclusion of a German-speaking British film critic. Yeah, it was quite amusing actually.

[25-08-09] (500) Days Of Summer
"Quite simply, my absolute favourite romantic comedy of all time - quite the statement, I know"
9/10
As this film isn't due out until the middle of next month, I have no feedback to read out. However, in next month's podcast I will be airing a probing interview with Emily Elston, discussing this release.

*Doesn't this cafeteria have a No Fags Allowed rule?*
*Well, they er.. seem to have an open-door policy for assholes though, don't they*
*What did you say, dickhead?*
*I'll repeat myself*

Ratings
Two other films I would like to quickly address are Adam and I Love You, Beth Cooper. Adam is Max Mayer's first film since 1998's rather unimpressive Better Living. Thankfully, his absence from cinema seems to have done him good as this new release may not be a work of genius but it's incredibly heartfelt and subtle in its delivery, making for a welcome spin on the standard romantic drama genre formula. Then there's I Love You, Beth Cooper, which is the complete opposite of Adam; it lacks subtlety, it's devoid of humour and it desperately requires an example of actual heart. So, if you're into your romantic flicks, pick Adam and avoid Beth Cooper. All clear? Good.

*I don't rattle kid.. but just for that I'm gonna beat you flat*

Best & Worst Releases Of The Month
2. I Love You, Beth Cooper
1. Imagine That

2. Funny People
1. Inglourious Basterds

*Lie, me? Never. The truth is far too much fun*

Special Feature
*Interview with Independent filmmaker Alex Guttridge*

*This is my house, I have to defend it*

*Interview with Dave Chapman regarding Inglourious Basterds*

*The counterfeit presentment of two brothers. See, what a grace was seated on this brow; Hyperion's curls, the front of Jove himself, an eye like Mars, to threaten and command. A station like the herald Mercury new lighted on a heaven-kissing hill - a combination and a form indeed, where every god did seem to set his seal, to give the world assurance of a man. This was your husband, look you now what follows*

Coming Soon
Lots of new pieces on the horizon to quickly discuss. First off, I'd like to speak about Scorsese's new picture, Shutter Island, which is due out 9th October. I must admit, I'm really looking forward to this one, looks like sort-of new territory for Scorsese and with each body of work DiCaprio displays gross talent so should prove noteworthy. Director of Terminator III, Jonathan Mostow has a new flick out called Surrogates starring Bruce Willis. This one is due for a global release from the end of September to the end of October and it's set to be a really engrossing science fiction thriller; so, looking forward to that one. We also have Robert D. Siegel's directorial debut, called Big Fan. If you don't know, Siegel's the guy who wrote The Wrestler and I think this release looks extremely promising. No UK release date for that one yet but it's due out in the States end of September. There are also trailers for Away We Go, The Other Man and The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus appearing online, so give them a watch if you can; the release dates for those are 18th September, 25th September and 16th October respectively. Both The Other Man and Parnassus look pretty intriguing but I'm completely undecided about Sam Mendes new release, Away We Go. We'll see. Then two possibly monumental releases with completely different reactions in the form of Inception, Christopher Nolan's boggling new flick and James Cameron's eagerly awaited Avatar which looks... well, I dunno. I'm a little disappointed actually. As most people are. Still, too early to judge yet. And finally, way off in the distance, probably sometime around February of next year we have the rather bizarre comedy, Hot Tub Time Machine. Very little has leaked out as yet but it should prove interesting. I believe there's an unrated, red-band trailer online, so go have a look if you can.

*Charlene Shiherlis*
*Who?*
*Who? Who? What are you, a fucking owl?*

What I Watched Today
Alright, so after last month's podcast you should all fully understand the reason for this segment. Recently I watched immature comedy, Not Another Teen Movie *The good news is, I have the perfect rebound girl for you* *Really?* *Beverly, could you come in here?* *Dad, that's mum!* It's ridiculous and out-right stupid in places but of all the Scary Movie era spoofs, it was actually pretty good. Then Starship Troopers *This is for all you new people. I have only one rule; everyone fights, no one quits. You don't do your job, I'll shoot you. You get me?* *We get you, sir!* Again, sloppy, schlocky nonsense but still rather enjoyable and finally, The Darjeeling Ltd *You don't love me!* *Yes I do!* *I love you too but I'm gonna mace you in the face!* See? Stupid comedy, silly action flick, obscure poignant comedic drama. The Darjeeling Limited was one of the most underrated films of 2007 and with Wes Anderson's adaptation of Fantastic Mr. Fox on the way, I thought I'd put myself in the necessary mindset. This month's Noir Night was my choice and I chose, Night Of The Hunter *What religion do you profess, Preacher?* *The religion the Almighty and me worked out betwixt us* *I'll bet* Another classic from my all time top fifty films and as deliciously creepy as they come.

*So child, make the choice. The world or him.*
*Him*

Outro
Autumn looms, little ones. The bright, sweltering days of summer are thankfully drawing to a close and I will be rewarded for my patience with three months of perfect weather, picturesque landscapes, jumpers, coats, fireworks and cigars. It's a magical time, a wondrous time when the leaves turn, the evening become colder and darker, the clocks go back and all the kids fuck off back to school where they belong. But at present it's still Summer... for another three days. *inhale* I must be strong. Seriously, next month the podcast is going to open with me just giggling about it being Autumn. It's a weird time, I mutate into this happy prick. It's awful. With that said, all that remains is for me to close this month’s podcast, thank you all for listening and ask that you continue to stay loyal to the site. Do tune in next month for more cinematic dronings and as always, happy viewing, kids.

If you have any comments about my site theredrighthand.co.uk or this podcast, please feel free to email me at theredrighthandatyourservice@yahoo.co.uk
This month’s podcast was brought to you by the letter H



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