THE RED RIGHT HAND PODCAST

[01 August 2009]
PODCAST Episode XIII

I Was Just In There And I Didn't See Any Goddamned Pig

Introduction
Good afternoon, kids and welcome to another episode of The Red Right Hand Podcast. It's been a rather manic month. I travelled up north to Lancashire for a few days, then I hosted the Harry Potter event at Norwich's Cinema City on both the 15th and 18th in a hot, sweaty Dumbledore suit, then I hiked up five mountains in the Peak District and all the while I've been desperately dodging screenings for The Proposal. If you recall, last month I reviewed romantic comedy The Proposal and since then I've been invited to no less than six further screenings of the same film, on the off-chance I might change my mind and alter my scathing review - not bloody likely. A fleeting comment at the close of last month's podcast generated a little feedback. Essentially, I was musing over who would win a fictionalised fight between Powers Boothe and Stacy Keach. Richard wrote in to say In my opinion, if this was '70s Keach and Boothe, then psycho-saint 'Killer Kane' and Fat City hustler (Keach) could kick Powers Boothe's laid back Texan in Southern Comfort. However, if the fight were to take place now, it would have to go to my main man Cy Tolliver and Simon added Cy Tolliver for the win! - sorry, Stacy. Incidentally, Simon is from Hartlepool and as such reminded me of a story about monkeys.. would you like to hear it? Second month running without anyone coming close to identifying all the audio samples used... no matter, I wouldn't be surprised if almost every listener writes in, correctly identifying this month's. I also received this wonderfully flattering audio sample from Michele Paiva. *Paiva Sample* You can find more details about Pulse and so-on-and-so forth at www.michele-paiva.com. But I digress, on to vagina sock puppets! Speaking with a few friends, somebody enquired as to the meaning of Tamara's email in Episode Ten. Essentially, she wanted to know why Hollywood doesn't make fun of vaginas. Now, on hearing this podcast, one of my friends asked me, how does one make vaginas funny. After long thought I came to the conclusion of sock puppets. The scene would perhaps be some sort of school environment and the children are learning sex education from a rather bizarre woman with a pink sock puppet and a pink, sausage-shaped cock substitute. And she'd put on a silly voice and talk about the sock eating sausages. Anyways... that didn't go down very well. Apparently, the idea of a vagina sock puppet is NOT funny. So, Tamara, you wrote in pleading that vaginas are funny but now the listeners would like examples. So... look forward to that and no doubt a few hundred complaints from angry mothers because their children are producing socks at the dinner table, pretending to eat sausages. And finally, swine flu. You may recall a few months ago I wasn't feeling great and recorded a podcast episode in a rather unhealthy condition. Well, at the time I was under the impression I was just suffering from a mild influenza but it degenerated into swine flu. *pause* Yeah, thanks for your concern. Anyway, I was prescribed Oseltamivir and after a week of gut-wrenching hell I recuperated. I just thought I'd bring this up as someone said to me, did you have swine flu or not? The simple answer is... yes. Yes I did. And I kicked its arse. Alright, moving on.

*You sound bitter*
*Me, bitter? Fuck no, I think it's hilarious*

Review Of July 2009
Antichrist
Bruno
Coco Avant Chanel
Crossing Over
Fired Up
G-Force
Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
The Horsemen
Land Of The Lost
Moon
The Proposal
Public Enemies
The Taking Of Pelham 123

*Blake understood, treated it like a joke but he understood. He saw the true face of the twentieth century and chose to become a reflection, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke, that's why he was lonely*

Daniel's Thought Of The Month
Good afternoon, welcome to my thought of the month. Despite having a whole month within which to think of a thought.. to be honest I just haven't, at all. So I'm going to talk about a film that I was told to watch, Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kind - awesome film. Robert Redford, Paul Newman... really enjoyed it and stuff.. and other things happened. And that was my month. I didn't sleep either. I'll perhaps think of a thought for this upcoming month. I was told I should tell a joke, actually. 'Cause the joke I was told to tell is actually pretty poor. Do you want me to tell the joke? *Yep* I don't know how long this has been going on for because I don't have a watch. It's probably about time I got a watch. *That's the joke!?* That's the joke I was told to tell.. and I did. You better include that *ok* 'cause I'll get in trouble. *Out of disgust* Good. Goodbye and good night.

*Dan, grow up*

New Reviews & Feedback
[29-06-09] Public Enemies
"Unique in look and feel, this is a work of visionary finesse"
9/10
Aoife from Cork wrote in to say, I'm surprised you liked this one so much. I mean, it's a competent release but it ultimately fails when compared to other movies of its genre. A fair point but you have to remember that this film was created with a very different style and flow and as such, a comparison with something like Once Upon A Time In America or Bonny & Clyde is a bit moot. I received this thought from Eric Hunbull, I know you said in your review that the film went at its own pace but without slowing for audiences to understand, I think it was lost on most. Again, another fair point, but as I stated in my review, why should a film dumb itself down or simplify elements just because certain people can't follow it? And finally, these thoughts came from Holly Fairbanks in California, I know most people left the film asking, 'So who was John Dillinger, really?' but I didn't care, I agree with your review. I absolutely loved it! Depp deserves an Oscar, no question. While I understand your point, there's still a lot of 2009 left and a great many films to be released, so it's far too early to discuss Oscar nominations just yet.

[14-07-09] Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince
"Glorious return to form and one of the strongest films of the series to date"
8/10
I'm actually shocked to report there's no feedback for this review at all. I received fourteen emails all agreeing with my review but not one of them had any differing thoughts just, "Yep, I agree." Not sure what to say now. I had to dress up as Dumbledore. Did I tell you that? Yeah, Richard Harris, Michael Gambon, Me. See, I'm hosting this fortnightly film quiz at Cinema City in Norwich and they asked me to run the Harry Potter Opening Night. It was actually a pretty good night, lots of questions and prizes and things, got in the paper. But, yeah, had to dress up as Dumbledore. It was hot in the Dumbledore suit. I could easily reword that to Dumbledore made me hot or it was hot in Dumbledore but I won't. No reason to tell you that really, just thought I'd fill the silence.

*That's none of your fucking business*
*It is when you're on Government payroll and you're not doing your job*
*That's as close to the word 'whore' as you're going to get with me, Agent Forbes*

Ratings
Two additional films that I would like to comment on are Bruno and Moon. Now, there's no doubt in my mind that Sacha Baron Cohen is an incredibly talented comedian with an ability to mock and ridicule the social norm by introducing a seemingly radical element. The problem is, his humour is often perceived as offensive and merely bashing those he has chosen to parody, drawing focus from the real goal - which is to highlight how people react to uncomfortable circumstances. It's essentially the backbone of British humour, put people in a situation they're unfamiliar with and laugh at them for trying to blag their way out of it. Bruno, however, is not Borat. It's still incredibly funny but a completely different film and should be treated as such. The base problem seems to be that it's simply not as funny as its predecessor. Then there's Moon, directed by David Bowie's son Duncan Jones on an incredibly slender budget. This film is spectacular, I immensely enjoyed it; a really compelling psychological study of isolation and definitely worth a watch.

*Heaven? Oh, there is no heaven, Captain. Believe me, sir; I would know by now*

Best & Worst Releases Of The Month
2. G-Force
1. Fired Up

2. Moon
1. Public Enemies

*You tell your friends, they're dead! I'm gonna take out this entire rat-hole neighbourhood! I'll break your neck!*
*Daniel! Not in front of the civilians!*

Special Feature
*Interview with Michael Durrant and Charles Meigh regarding Nazis on film*

*When I awoke, I found myself on a dismal beachhead with my men... pieces of my men*

Coming Soon
More Alice In Wonderland images are making their way online and it's almost confirmed that this thing is going to be a visually stunning nightmare piece - similar to most Guillermo Del Toro releases. Obscure comedy, Cold Souls has finally received a UK release date; that's set for 6th November and I'm rather looking forward to that one. Then there's the collaboration of the harpies in the form of Jennifer's Body starring Megan bleeding Fox and written by Diablo Cody - who was responsible for fecking Juno; wouldn't expect much from that one. I've also been watching the advance trailers for Tron: Legacy and A Serious Man. Tron is obviously the long-awaited sequel to the 1982 release. It looks pretty cool but I have an issue with the faces in the suits, they just look a little fake and out of place. Still, should be interesting. A Serious Man is the new Coen brothers film and as a fan of these fine filmmakers, I'm awaiting it with eager anticipation. I've also heard strange news.. ready for it? Apparently, G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Corba isn't awful. In fact, I've actually heard it's a fairly entertaining action flick. Whether this is true or not remains to be seen but it would be a nice surprise if it turned out to be half-decent. Then two left-side releases, horror-comedy Zombieland which is due out 30th October and The Vampire's Assistant, which is a sort of teenage horror, thriller, fantasy from the director of About A Boy but don't expect to see that in UK cinemas until at least February of next year.

*Kid, are you sure you wanna take this all the way?*

What I Watched Today
Recently I've been in receipt of a few emails asking me what this section is. For listeners that don't know, a question I get asked a lot is what I like to watch in my spare time. As such, I make note of the last three or four films I choose to see and comment on them here. Also, I host a monthly Noir Night, during which my friends gather, don fedoras, eat chinese and watch a classic noir flick. I've also been informed that certain listeners - namely my cult following in Massachusetts - take note of the film we watch and do the exact same thing with their friends. Alright? All make sense? Good. So, recently I watched Enemy At The Gates *In this world, even a Soviet one, there will always be rich and poor. Rich in gifts, poor in gifts; rich in love, poor in love* because there are so few films about snipers and Russia's part in World War II and this one is pretty engrossing. Then there was Changing Lanes. I've always liked this film but I'm not entirely sure why. I know it gave me a great catchphrase that I mutter at the end of a bad screening *You think I want money? What I want is my morning back. I need you to give my time back to me. Can you give me back my time!? Can you give my time back to me!? Huh? Can you!?* but it's still a good watch every now-and-then. Finally, I also watched Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid *I'm not sure we're accomplishing as much as we'd like here* *Listen, your job is to back me up because you'd starve without me And you, your job is to shut up* *He'll feel a lot better after he's robbed a couple of banks*, Now I like to think I'm like Butch and my consiglierie, Mr. Daniel Wickham he's like Sundance. He doesn't see it but it's true.. so there. And this month's Noir Night classic is Sunset Boulevard *Norma, I can't take it. You've bought me enough* *Shut up. I'm rich, I'm richer than all this new hollywood trash. I've got a million dollars* *Keep it*. This is one of my favourite movies of all time and one of the greatest films ever made.

*You little bastard!*

Outro
Well, all-in-all, a bit of a quiet month with little to talk about and even less feedback to work off. Still, I said this might happen, what with the plethora of summer blockbusters and tacky 2D releases, so you shouldn't be that surprised. I'm actually quietly dreading next month.. I'm convinced I made the audio samples quiz a little too easy this month. Hmm... we'll see. With that said, all that remains is for me to close this month’s podcast, thank you all for listening and ask that you continue to stay loyal to the site. Do tune in next month for more cinematic dronings and as always, happy viewing, kids.

If you have any comments about my site theredrighthand.co.uk or this podcast, please feel free to email me at theredrighthandatyourservice@yahoo.co.uk
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