THE RED RIGHT HAND PODCAST

[02 May 2009]
PODCAST Episode X

You're Like Santa Claus With That List, Bud. Except Everyone On It's Been Naughty

Introduction
Good afternoon, kids. It's been a busy month: turning twenty five, doing stuff, bumping into people, swanning off to London to run around like a giddy headless chicken. Crazy times. *sigh* So, let's see, first a hello to people I have bumped into on the streets of Norwich. Natalie, once again, hello. John! Good to know you're listening to the pods, good man. Veronica, if you still haven't burnt that hideous dress as instructed, I won't be pleased. And finally, Joanna, who I will no longer refer to as creepy beard admirer girl but now awesome magpie lady... we made up a secret handshake. As previously, stated, people, don't be shy to approach me and say 'hello' I'm getting quite accustomed to saying, "Hello? Oh, right, yes hello. Yes, yes I am a lot taller than you originally thought. Yes, yes, I have a beard and moustache." *The wolf attacked me but fortunately I had a pistol hidden in my moustache* So, films! With the release of Wolverine, Monsters Vs. Aliens and Fast & Furious, we're starting to get that summer blockbuster feeling. My predictions? May is going to be extreeeeeme! *Dude! On a scale from 1-10, one being not so extreme and ten being extremely extreme, I'd give this a 9.5. Woo! Hey look! Extreme cheddar!* Seriously. Extreme. I also have an announcement regarding an alteration to the podcast structure. My least favourite part of my podcast line-up is reading out the new releases. I've always hated it; the episode opens with me streaming off a list and rushing through it as quickly as possible. Unfortunately I can't get around this as it is a contractual obligation and some people have even requested I add more information but I have decided from now on, just to list the titles and drop the genre and director. Hopefully this won't bring about too much confusion and shave the total running time down to a more reasonable figure. I also have a rather lengthy email to read out (debs email). I also received a few emails asking about the Adaaam thing and my comments regarding a guy named Patrick... which I won't be reading out, 'cause some are a little mean. Then there was an email from Charlie. But as Charlie is from the future he couldn't settle with mere written word and decided to attach this instead *Charles Sample* Thanks, man. If anyone else feels the need to hear their voice on my podcast, just record a small soundclip in wav form and email it to me. Once again, CherryBrooke56 has managed to astound me by submitting an email with the correctly identified samples from both episodes eight and nine. Ms. Brooke, clearly a lady with an encyclopaedic knowledge of film to rival my own. I'd take my hat off to you but... you know... hat hair. Finally, the Ratings section - these thirty screens are some of the most under-rated pages of my website. Essentially, every film I review and a great deal more can be found within this section. So, for example, if you're wondering to yourself, 'what did Matt think of Pretty Woman or Star Wars?' chances are the answers can be found on those pages. The link is on the left-hand side of my site, on the main navigation bar; knock yourselves out.

*May I speak freely, sir?*
*Yes, you may.*
*With all due respect, General, I don't know what you may have been hearing but until you spend some time in the yard with those animals, you have no idea what happens in there*

Review Of April 2009
Sixteen new UK releases this month.

17 Again
The Boat That Rocked
Crank II: High Voltage
Dragonball Evolution
Fast & Furious
Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past
Good
I Love You, Man
In The Loop
Is There Anybody There?
Monsters Vs Aliens
Observe And Report
Race To Witch Mountain
State Of Play
The Uninvited
X-Men Origins: Wolverine

*Every soldier has nightmares*
*Only one who is ashamed of what he has done*
*You have no idea what I have done*

New Reviews & Feedback
For those who regularly peruse the site, you may have noticed dramatic shifts to the 'coming soon' reviews. This is because I was messed around. First, I was hoping to have a review for Fast & Furious but thanks to the swine over at *********, there was general confusion and on arrival at the cinema, they.. wouldn't.. let me in. Can you believe that crap!? Outrageous! Anyways, so I've decided they can shove their review up their arse. Secondly, I attended the premiere of Hannah Montana: The Movie, which was dreadful and for a while I didn't want to review it... but I have.

[07-04-09] Dragonball: Evolution
"Another addition to a long legacy of poorly conceived, badly executed adaptations of fine material"
2/10
Some feedback to address here; this is from FilmBoy99, Dragonball: Evolution, more like Dragonball; Gayvolution! He rambled on a bit but also added, Directed by James Wong? More like James Wrong! Clearly, a man.. sorry, boy of great wit. Chico wrote in to explain, It's good for kids who like fighting, superheroes, dragons and monsters. It's short and kids won't get bored. It has some humour along with simple dialogue that kids can follow. It was made for kids from the start and they enjoy it. I don't believe in talking down to or dumbing down for children so I completely disagree with all that. If only because I don't want my kids sending off emails with that sort of terrible sentence structure.

[16-04-09] Observe And Report
"In places, an extremely humorous effort but too many elements fail to connect, leaving a rather underdeveloped piece"
6/10
For some reason this review sparked more emailed dronings about how I supposedly sympathise with rapists, fascists, murderers, etc. This is from Sean, I'm sorry, there is no debate. What they depicted here was a lady passed out with vomit hanging out of her mouth being humped by a man. Something like this has no place in film, it's a serious issue and not at all funny. I never said I agreed with it or found it amusing. If, on the other hand, you were referring to my obsession with The Comedian in Watchmen or my comments on last month's podcast then I would comment but as I actually agree with you here... to a degree... I'm saying nothing. Secondly I have a curious email from Tamara, who lives in East Longmeadow, Massachusetts (apparently I have a small collection of fans there, thanks to one listener's continuous promotion of my site), she has some interesting thoughts, As you highlighted the streaker scene I thought it only fair to bring up my ideas. Wiener humor is so tired and done to death. It's not funny anymore. Why can't someone be creative enough to make vaginas funny? Vaginas ARE funny! But prudish Hollywood refuses to touch it. Ok, so the point you're making here is that Hollywood is too prudish to exploit female nudity? Hmm.. well, I understand what you're getting at but can't say I necessarily agree. Nudity on film is always a little cliché and I was just amused by the prospect of an overweight, under-endowed actor brave enough to run around on-screen for a few minutes in slow motion. But your thoughts are noted.

[19-04-09] State Of Play
"Highly disposable thriller that redeems itself in places and crucifies itself in others"
6/10
Two very different pieces sent to me. This first one is from Andy, I know what you mean, the series was so much better but I couldn't place my finger on why I didn't like the film until I read your review. You're welcome, Andy. And this is from Luffy, I would easily give this movie a ten. Most thrillers has its faults. Some exaggeration, implausibilities, annoying twists, but the film transcends other thrillers on all other levels. I felt this film was a very realistic portrayal of journalism and posed an interesting argument between old fashioned print journalism and the new age of the internet. Thank you for that, Luffy.

[23-04-09] Hannah Montana: The Movie
"You know what Oedipus did after he did the nasty with his mum? Yeah, I don't have any pins but if I find any, my eyes are getting gouged out"
2/10
As most know, I begrudgingly attended the UK premiere of Hannah Montana. I knew I would hate it, I knew I would have nothing positive to say to the cast or crew but I went anyway. And what happened? Well, two-three strange things. First, Ms. Cyrus asked about my ever-present smiley face badge... which was awkward - how do you explain it's because of a slight obsession with a dead, fictional, fascist womaniser? Then I had to learn some bloody dance routine. Then I was kissed. Then I had to talk to her father after the awkwardness of said innocent embrace and finally... no feedback. Not one bit of feedback for my damning review of Hannah Mon-bastard-tana. I initially thought it was due to the fact that it's not out in the UK yet but at the same time, I usually hear from my international readers. Does this mean that nobody who visits my site had an opinion about this film worth penning? Madness! *Madness? This is Sparta!*

[28-04-09] Star Trek
"Helmed by a stellar cast, this thoroughly enjoyable reboot houses great potential for future releases"
8/10
No feedback yet as this one won't be out.. anywhere for a few weeks.

*Why don't you come round for breakfast? I'll squeeze some orange juice and grind some coffee and we can talk about this like adults. How's that sound? Hmm?*
*Sounds very hospitable*
*Do you know where I live?*
*No*
*Well, fuck off then*

Ratings
At the start of the month I had a lot of people asking me about Richard Curtis' new comedy, The Boat That Rocked. Yeah, I had a few issues with this film. Great ensemble cast but with so many jostling for attention, too many moments of potential hilarity were neglected. Still, not awful, worth a look. Then we have Monsters Vs Aliens, which I was really very surprised by, especially in 3D. I imagine the 2D version is lame but in 3D? Badass! Finally there was the tired body-swap comedy, 17 Again starring teen flavour of the month, Zac Efron, who you may know from... his hair. Not proud to say, it wasn't actually that bad. Nothing new or ground breaking but not horrendous either.

*I do not mean to upset people, Aldcock but I have to speak my mind because what is in my mind is always more interesting than what is happening in the world outside my mind*

Best & Worst Releases Of The Month
2. Crank II: High Voltage
1. Dragonball: Evolution

2. State Of Play
1. Monsters Vs Aliens: 3D

*Remember, you do have the luxurious advantage of being able to sustain your son's life*
*And you do have a reputation, so I choose words very carefully. You tell Harry, to go fuck himself*

Special Feature
*Brief interview with Daniel Wickham regarding State Of Play, Star Trek & X-Men Origins: Wolverine*

*Things have become more complicated*
*No, it's gotten simpler. There's no place in gun-running for politics anymore, Simian. I sell to leftists and rightists. I'd sell to pacifists but they're not the most regular of customers*

Coming Soon
With EXTREME MAY on the way, I thought I'd take a look ahead at July, see what's brewing for UK release and five titles in particular caught my attention. First we have Imagine That, another Eddie Murphy nightmare just waiting to happen and yet it looks.. almost sweet. Hmm... we'll see. Next we have Michael Keaton directed comedy The Merry Gentleman, which looks rather promising and amusing. As we know from my Borat review, I'm a bit of a Sacha Baron Coen fan, so the release of Bruno will probably be equally entertaining for the open-minded. Mexican comedy Rudy Y Cursi starring Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna looks amusing. And finally, Watchmen! Yeah, I know, it's already been released but now I'm talking about the Blu-Ray and DVD!

*Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots, how do they taste?*

What I Watched Today
Four films today, first I watched, Sideways *Just go explain the situation, Miles* *Explain the situation!? Yes, excuse me, sir. My friend was the one balling your wife a couple of hours ago. Really sorry. He seems to have left his wallet behind. I was wondering if I could come in, just poke around, you know?* *Yeah, yeah, just like that. That's good*. One of the earliest reviews on my website, I still really love this comedy and Paul Giamatti is one of the truly under-rated performers of his time. Secondly, we had Donnie Darko *My mum had to get a restraining order against my stepdad. He has emotional problems* *Oh, I have those too! What kind of emotional problems does your dad have?* *He stabbed my mum four times in the chest* *Oh*, that's the Theatrical Release version, with Killing Moon, not the Director's Cut version which spells out the plot for all the simpletons - yeah, I'm talking about you. Idiocracy *You think Einstein walked around thinking everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?* *Yeah, hadn't thought of that* *Now you know why he built that bomb*, which is a really funny premise about the world becoming disturbingly dumbed-down but the only problem was that those involved in making the damn thing, thought audiences wouldn't get it, AND DUMBED IT DOWN! Still, it's entertaining in its own way. And finally, Garden State *So, I gotta to go burry this hamster before the dogs eat him. Wanna help? Hmm?* This comedy gets such a lot of flak for being pretentious but I really enjoy it; it's a clear demonstration of how talented Zach Braff really is. For Noir Night this month, I was going to stretch the rules just a little and watch a gangster flick instead of Noir. But I've buttoned-down my love of James Cagney and chosen Out Of The Past *Oh, Jeff, you ought to have killed me for what I did a moment ago* *There's time* Did you hear that, Hammad? Out Of The Past. Go rent it now and tell us what you thought.

*As a matter of fact, I'm there right now*
*What do you mean, you're where right now?*
*At your house*
*That's fucking crazy, man*

Outro
Well, another episode draws to a close. I do hope you've enjoyed this month's podcast. If you haven't by all means write in and explain yourself, preferably with your contact details. Specifically, your address. I would like to pay you a visit, so that we might work out our differences fist-to-f.. I mean, face-to-face. To update you on the pod-war between myself and the gentlemen over at movietalk.podomatic.com, they invited me onto their show and we recorded a rather probing conversation and a short sketch. It was all very pleasant and I wouldn't be surprised if their voices graced one of my episodes in the not-too-distant future. With that said, all that remains is for me to close this month’s podcast, thank all of you for listening and ask that you continue to stay loyal to the site. Do tune in next month for more cinematic dronings. Until then... happy viewing, kids.

If you have any comments about my site theredrighthand.co.uk or this podcast, please feel free to email me at theredrighthandatyourservice@yahoo.co.uk
This month’s podcast was brought to you by the letter L



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