THE RED RIGHT HAND PODCAST

[26 July 2008]
PODCAST Episode I

You Can Wake Up Now, The Universe Has Ended

Introduction
Hello! Yes, good afternoon kids. This will be the first of man as, like so many other helpless souls, I have succumbed to the nightmare of Podcasting. Not something I'm particularly proud of or overly keen on but I have been advised to do so and thus here I am. So, what to expect? I plan to embellish on my reviews, respond to feedback, address films I've seen but not had time to fully review and analyse forthcoming releases. It could be a hideous, hideous failure but what would you care?

*Stop playing games with me, Murdoch. Stop telling me lies*
*I'm not telling you lies!*

Review Of July 2008
This month we have fourteen new UK releases.

Baby Mama
Dir. Michael McCullers
Romantic Comedy

The Chronicle Of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Dir. Andrew Anderson
Family Fantasy

The Dark Knight
Dir. Christopher Nolan
Action/Drama

Donkey Punch
Dir. Oliver Blackburn
Low-Budget Thriller

The Forbidden Kingdom
Dir. Rob Minkoff
Adventure/Kung-Fu

Hancock
Dir. Peter Berg
Action

Journey To The Centre Of The Earth: 3D
Dir. Eric Brevig
Family/Adventure

Kung-Fu Panda
Dir. Mark Osborne & John Stevenson
Animated/Family

Mamma Mia!
Dir. Phyllida Lloyd
Musical/Romance

Meet Dave
Dir. Brian Robbins
Family/Comedy

The Mist
Dir. Frank Darabont
Horror/Thriller

Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic
Dir. Kunal Kohli
Indian Romantic Comedy

Wall-E
Dir. Andrew Stanton
Animated/Family

Wanted
Dir. Timur Bekmambetov
Action

*The planet is Arrakis, also known as Dune*

New Reviews & Feedback
[23-05-08] Sex And The City
"It felt like an early Adam Sandler movie for women or the bitter, twisted side of a rom-com that focuses on the heartbroken female as opposed to the stupid male who has to fix things. Oh how the mighty hath fallen... well, not mighty but certainly better than this"
4/10
I received a lot of flack for my SATC review, not only from readers but friends and family too - thanks for the support guys. In retrospect, I'm afraid I still retain my original opinions with the same conviction. I honestly believe this film is a poor testimonial to a genuinely entertaining series. I have some emailed feedback here, let me quickly read a few out for you:
Regina: I don't know what you are complaining about. I blushed, I cried and I certainly laughed out loud. All I can say is well done - I assume she's not talking about my review.
Amelia: I am a big fan of the show. I am one of those people who have seen every episode at least 4 times and some of them around 10 times - The term 'big fan' kind of covered that but appreciate your enthusiasm - You are so right with everything you've said! The show was about sex but the movie was about love and treats the subject from the weakest, corniest and most disappointing standpoint. This movie is a fake Fendi. Dropping 15 designer names in one sentence, showing bulging men's underpants - I think she means men's bulging underpants but her wording is more amusing - and orgasming at the sight of huge closets; SATC this does not make. As for me, I will keep watching my DVDs and pretend the movie never happened - I'm afraid I am inclined to agree and happily recommend you do just that.
Aluisio: It doesn't try or pretend to be art-house material or an Oscar contender (except for the costume design, of course) but it's definitely good entertainment and a pleasant couple of hours with buttery popcorn and a red bull - Granted, I understand that this film isn't supposed to be an art-house flick but people who generally say 'it's not artsy or going to win Oscars' don't seem to realise, that isn't an especially good thing. I also like your final comment as the combination of red bull and buttery popcorn sounds as pleasing and appetising as another viewing of this dross.
And finally: Stick your stupid review up your stupid ass! From Gemma. Thanks, Gemma.
So, overall, a bit of a mix. I was ready for a full bombardment of angry emails from outraged fans (and there were many) but a fair few actually rescinded and admitted that although they enjoyed the film, they understood what I was saying and indeed did feel a little let down as the film departed so much from the show - which, ultimately, was all I was trying to say.

[09-06-08] The Incredible Hulk
"I greatly underestimated the return of the hulk but I am pleased to say, this film was very well done"
8/10
An uneasy air of tension surrounded this film's release over Ed Norton's supposed friction with the director and producers, leading to his non-attendance or promotion of the film. I'm not one to say if this is true or not and quite frankly I didn't care because I thought the film was rather impressive. Feedback was fairly positive, bar a few nerds who felt the need to say that they hated what had been done to their beloved Banner and a further few tossers who preferred the Ang Lee version. I would normally take this opportunity to bad-mouth them all but they probably have enough difficulties getting through the day as it is.

[11-06-08] Wanted
““Ridiculous over-the-top nonsense that impressed the hell out of me"
7/10
Sadistic action-schlock - that seems to be the general feedback but who cares? It was cool and sexy and that's all it wanted to be. The only stirrings from this particular release is with regards to director Timur Bekmambetov and his comments that any further Night Watch flicks have been put on hold and that we should treat Wanted as Twilight Watch. Hmm... not sure I'm overly impressed with that but as a third Night Watch film is still in the cards, I should keep shtum. I still think Konstantin Khabensky was disgustingly underused but there's nothing we can do about that now.

[16-06-08] The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian
"A very healthy sequel that should please fans of the previous film, entertain fans of medieval romps and irritate the hell out of fans of the book"
7/10
It would appear my highlighted issues for Prince Caspian are being echoed by audiences throughout; generally entertaining but unnecessary deviations from the book slow the pace. Characters are all well acted out but the two young male leads smother a promising performance from Skandar Keynes - who lives in the same area of London as I used to, I might add. Other than that, nothing out of the ordinary. Oh, I did receive one email about my review. One second... ah, an email from Kel.
Kel: Boring! Boring! Boring! I watched this crappy film and hated every minute of it! It was just a bunch of Christian crap about crap. And that ending, hello? Lord Of The Rings ring a bell with you!? Your review is so crap. - Yeah, part of me wants to address that, part of me simply wants to leave it alone.

[26-06-08] Hancock
"Thoroughly convoluted and wasted opportunity, saved only by another outstanding performance by Will Smith"
6/10
No quibbles with my Hancock review, no opinions have changed there. Again, feedback's been fairly positive so, moving on.

[6-07-08] Wall-E
"Yet another hopelessly wonderful family film; Pixar are the new Disney"
9/10
It's Pixar, we knew it would be brilliant. The first few trailers had me a little concerned as it was beautiful to watch but there didn't seem to be any substance or story. Thankfully, it's typically brilliant and one of Pixar's finest.

[13-07-08] Meet Dave
"Better than Norbit but still abysmally moronic"
2/10
Well, it's just another nail in Eddie Murphy's cinematic coffin and thankfully the public seems to be agreeing with me.

[20-07-08] Man On Wire
"Captivating documentary about something truly unique in a genre flooded with features focusing on war and terrorism"
8/10
Man On Wire was a bit of a strange one in that I really enjoyed it and wasn't overly sure why. It's a shame it only received a limited release in the States (namely New York) as it would do them good to see a film about the twin towers that has absolutely nothing to do with 9/11. And, of course, this will be released in the UK next week.

[21-07-08] Baby Mama
"It's not as hideously insufferable as Meet Dave but its lack of originality and waste of talent is insulting"
3/10
No change of heart here, still hate it. Oh, I did receive one email from a Nigel something-or-other who said, This was an excellent go in and enjoy yourself film. I'm not going into a bunch of technical junk about why this movie was great. The whole cast had great chemistry. You may think it's not great because there's not a lot to think about but COME ON! Not every movie has to have you stumped a la Memento! This was just a feel good movie with a lot of laugh out loud moments! So take that stick out of your ass and rewrite your review! - Well, there's always one... and the second mentioning of my arse, I might add. I don't mind the emails kids, keep them coming but leave my arse out of it.

[22-07-08] The Dark Knight
"Simply moving - who would have thought a film about a man dressed as a rubber bat could deliver so very much?"
10/10
I'm afraid I won't be reading out any anti-Ledger-bashing emails as they say the exact same thing and you probably didn't fully read or understand what I was trying to say. Shortly after its release in the States, The Dark Knight shot to the number one spot of the IMDB Top 250 list. Now, I know this film excelled above and beyond its origins but to claim that it's better than The Godfather and Schindler's List? I don't know about that. Everyone thinks the film is genius, you would hard-pressed to find someone who genuinely didn't like, enjoy or appreciate it and the words posthumous Oscar seem to be batted around all too often. My opinion remains unchanged and I still think its one of the year's best releases but the greatest film ever made? I think not.

*It would appear I’m not as cynical about the human race as you are*

Ratings
Just three minor points here. The first is regarding Journey To The Centre Of The Earth in all its 3D glory. I saw the trailer and rolled my eyes at the prospect of such a stupid undertaking but I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. It's not breaking any boundaries and at times feels more like a ride than a film but rarely have I seen 3D utilised so well on-screen. Secondly we have Kung-Fu Panda, another film I was greatly sceptical about but was rewarded with an extremely engrossing and entertaining family flick with good performances all round. Finally, Mamma Mia! For some reason I received a few emails asking me why I had yet to review this film or why I wasn't going to. To quickly address your concerns, allow me to say that I was due to attend a screening but ended up visiting family in Ireland. However, I have now seen it and was typically split. Part of me enjoyed the film for the light-hearted musical comedy that it was but there was a constant nagging in the back of my mind as a voice gently whispered, "The theatrical version was better."

*I don't want you, I don't need you and I don't like you saying I’m rich*

Best & Worst Releases Of The Month
So, of this month's available features, what were the best and worst on offer?

2. Baby Mama
1. Meet Dave


2. Wall-E
1. The Dark Knight

*There's nothing in here that will fit a size 6, I can tell you that*

Special Feature
Very brief interview with Daniel Wickham & Paul Collis about Meet Dave and The Dark Knight

*If we do happen to make contact, I expect nothing less than gratuitous violence from the lot of ya. Just because we're firing blanks doesn't mean we have to be thinking nice thoughts*

Coming Soon
So, coming soon, things that have caught my attention and peaked my interest. Only one thing. There's only one film I am talking about at the minute with sheer eagerness, anticipation and a quiet dread. I am, of course, referring to Watchmen. My friends will be the first to tell you that whenever I attend a comic book film, I'll generally elaborate on the origins and history of the comic then prattle on about how faithful that particular adaptation had been, blah blah blah! But almost always I would finish by saying that Watchmen is better. Watchmen is in fact the greatest graphic novel ever penned. Well, Zack Snyder, director of 300 has been attached to the project for quite some time and we have all had a chance to witness the fury of his adaptation. If you haven't seen the trailer, you simply must, if only to ask, "So, what's it about?" All I'm talking about at the minute, is Watchmen. All I seem to be reading is Watchmen, over-and-over. A reaction I had shortly before the release of Sin City. But will it be any good is the question? Will the ending leave us all deflated? When I know, you will. The only final thoughts I have are in relation to the new X-Files movie; the curiously titled I Want To Believe. Having seen the first half-an-hour, all I can say is that it is bloody awful. It should have been called The X-Files: I Want To Believe The Priest Isn't A Paedophile But We All Know He Is, What A Let Down. But more about that next month. Another note, I receive a whole hoard of emails each month asking me if I'm still giving out explanation essays for Revolver, Silent Hill and The Fountain. The very simple answer is yes, I will always give out my views on these films as and when they are requested of me.

*Fuck yourself*
*I'm tired from fucking your wife*
*How’s your mother?*
*She's tired from fucking my father*

What I Watched Today
And finally, a question I get asked all too often is, "What does a guy who gets paid to review films watch in his spare time?" So I have decided that on the day of recording these broadcasts I will inform you of what I have watched, no matter how pompous, obscure or devastatingly embarrassing. Today I have watched three films, they are as follows: M by Fritz Lange. *Wie heist du, kind?* Beautiful German cinema that simply can't be topped. Secondly, with the Coen brother's Burn After Reading gaining market promotion, I decided to revisit Barton Fink; *Take a look around this dump. You're just a tourist with a typewriter, Barton. I live here, don't you understand that?* Classic Coen piece. And lastly, I watched The Wind That Shakes The Barley *God preserve Ireland if ever your kind take control* *You'd better start getting used to the idea* Palm d’Or winning excellence.

*My name is Zeus*
*Zeus?*
*Yeah, Zeus! As in father of Apollo? Mount Olympus? Don’t fuck with me or I’ll shove a lightning bolt up your ass! Zeus!*

Outro
That's all for this month, hope you've enjoyed listening. Do tune in next month for more cinematic dronings. Feel free to keep sending me your thoughts and opinions and, as always, stay loyal. Happy viewing, kids.

If you have any comments, please feel free to email me at theredrighthandatyourservice@yahoo.co.uk
This month's podcast was brought to you by the letter D



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