The Red Right Hand
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RABBIT FEVER
More Vibrators Have Been Sold In Britain In The Last Year Than Washing-Machines And Dryers Combined. One Vibrator Outsells All Others. It's Called.. The Rabbit

Director
Ian Denyer
Starring
Flora Montgomery
Julian Rhind-Tutt
Tara Summers
Lisa Barbuscia

Delicate review for you, ladies and gentlemen. A friend of mine commented on the poster being somewhat misleading and so I have decided to give a brief explanation as to what a rabbit is. In the vast cess pool of public thought there are two types of rabbit; Leporids [hereafter to be referred to as Rabbit A] and a popular vibrator [hereafter to be referred to as Rabbit B]. I'm going to assume you're all God-fearing puritans who have never heard the term sex, let alone sex-aid. Boys and Girls, a vibrator is a mechanical device designed to produce an erotic stimulus effect, allowing women to reach a climax without the need for a partner. There are two main prongs, the first contains rotating beads and is designed for insertion, the second (and definitive feature) is shaped like a rabbit, the two ears designed for clitoral or anal stimulation. No giggling at the back of the class! Originally addressed in an episode of Sex And The City [Season 1, Episode 9], there is a theory that due to a man's lack of sensitivity and sexual selfishness, the addictive nature of the rabbit can threaten and jeopardise relationships - I'm seeing a screening this Wednesday of a film called Children Of Men in which women can no longer have children, this one addresses them no longer needing men and lowering the population count; how strange.

Filmed as a documentary with a low budget and treated with all the seriousness of a real drug addiction, this comedy may have done well on television but for some reason pushing it for cinema really wasn't the right idea. The humour is bland and sparse, when it eventually rears its' head there's a distinct sense of disappointment, almost as if watching an average sit-com (there aren't even any naked/sex scenes, it's all just implication - leading me to believe that the only reason Rabbit Fever has been branded with an 18 rating is the nature of the film). There are a few interesting cameo interviews that will make people chuckle, but it's only because they've been roped into this film, as opposed to the lines they're spouting. The 'plot' follows the lives of six women desperately trying to give up, drawing a parallel with those who encourage 'rabbit use.' To be perfectly honest, the whole thing is fairly forgettable other than a few key laughs that made a few members of the (mainly female) audience smirk.

I could go on a large rant about the sexism of the whole thing, but considering women have suffered for centuries I doubt I have any right to say anything. Oddly enough, I was having a discussion with friends with regards to women's rights and the designated place for the 'modern man.' A conclusion was reached that a large majority of men are selfish, uncaring, unhygienic brutes, leaving the Tony Parsons style gents ("I do like many blokeish things - football, women, kung fu - but that doesn't stop me from being a loving Dad, a sensitive partner and a considerate lover." - T.Parsons) sitting in a perfume drenched screen 3 with a frown on their face as bloody Germaine Greer broadcasts, "Men are very bad at pleasure... rabbits are very good." I was one of those men, scowling in the dark, arms tightly folded, sulking and muttering, "Bloody Germaine bloody Greer." Void of anything unique or humorous, little is offered and I really don't see it doing exceptionally well at the UK box office; and considering the director has done nothing bar a few TV comedies about sex and footie programmes, it's hardly any wonder.

Release Date:
22nd September 2006

The Scene To Look Out For:
There is one scene in particular in which one of the ladies, Sophie [Emma Buckley], has a crisis at 3am; her neighbours are having blistering loud, orgasmic sex next door and it's driving her insane. She ends up in the toilet, banging the walls, screaming, "You can hear it in the khazi! Stop bloody shagging!!"

Notable Characters:
They were all fairly wet idiots with little to offer so I would say.... Sir Richard Branson. He has a rather humorous line, as his airline [Virgin Airlines] has become the only one not to ban the rabbit during flights, as Branson says, "Flying should be as pleasurable experience as possible." - obviously he's never flown on his own planes (Rabbits On A Plane, starring Samuel L Jackson and Jenna Jameson..... you heard it here first).

Highlighted Quote:
"No, I don't think they are addictive. I mean, I use my rabbit all the time and I'm not addicted"

In A Few Words:
"Bland, witless humour throughout this made-for-TV drippage that we can all probably do without; kindly avoid"

Total Score:
4/10


Matthew Stogdon