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| The Red Right Hand www.theredrighthand.co.uk |
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PRINCE OF PERSIA Mike Newell Starring Jake Gyllenhaal Gemma Arterton Ben Kingsley Alfred Molina As a film based upon a video game I wasn't expecting much -- not because of the video game itself but because filmmakers do not understand the specific elements that make the game work; the same thing happened when Toy Story was released, everyone thought the success was due to the CGI rather than the impressive characters and compelling story. There are plenty of reasonably enjoyable moments but the entire flick is little more than a mildly enjoyable romp with some ropey effects and terrible acting. The Prince of Persia in question is young Dastan [Gyllenhaal], a street urchin adopted by the king after a wilful act of courage - highly unrealistic bollocks but there we go. So, instantly, we have a lead who is both noble royalty and the honest underdog. Years later, Dastan and his two pure-blood brothers (the wise one and the brash one), receive intelligence from their scheming uncle, Nizam [Kingsley] and invade the holy city of (continually mispronounced) Alamut. Upon arrival they can find no trace of hidden weapon forges or armourers of any kind. Dastan presents the gift of a holy cloak to the king which, unbeknownst to him, is poisoned (don't ask me how) and he is accused of murder. During his escape he manages to collar the attention of the local princess, Tamina [Arterton] and together, they flee into the desert. One important factor I have yet to mention is an item Dastan happened across, a sacred dagger with a jewel on the hilt that, when pressed .. *sigh* .. allows the holder to travel back in time. Princess Tamina wishes to reclaim this dagger and return it to some desert sanctuary but unaccustomed to the local's barbaric ways (not a racial comment, the same could be said for a young lady walking unaccompanied at night down a contemporary highstreet), she keeps finding herself in trouble. Attempting to prove his innocence, Dastan evades capture, forms a strange pact with out-of-place wheeler-dealer type, Sheik Amar [Molina] and learns that the dagger is more than a simple toy, it holds back a destructive force called 'the sands of time' that his dastardly uncle wishes to recklessly use in order to alter his own past. As a pitch, it's a fairly good story. Clear cut characters, action, romance, exotic setting and yet, it's pants. Absolute pants. You see, Prince Of Persia fails on so many levels. First we have acting. Jake Gyllenhaal is probably the only thing this movie has going for it. His character is everything a young hero should be, charming, brave and witty - essentially, the kid's trying to be Indiana Jones. Then we have everyone else and they're awful; every last one of them, awful. Gemma Arterton was impressive in her five line performance in RocknRolla but as useless here as everywhere else: delivery, poor; dialogue, poor; credibility, poor; plausibility, poor. I'll confess, she looked the part but everything that tumbled out of her gob left the audience snickering. It's also quite apparent that Ben Kingsley has seen better days. Long gone are the memorable performances of Gandhi and Sexy Beast's Don Logan; which is a damn shame because he was genuinely impressive in Shutter Island. The two princes, Richard Coyle and Toby Kebbell were cookie-cutter stereotypes that we could probably have done without. Coyle's performance wasn't anything special but the underuse of Kebbell was simply criminal; that man is capable of so much more. Finally, we have Mr. Molina; on second thoughts, I'll save that for my highlighted character (see below). Ok, a quick note on the accents first because people are going to ask. The reason everyone in ancient Persia is speaking with English accents is quite simple: American audiences. I'm not a xenophobe and I don't have a great deal against Americans but movie studios tend to dumb down materials to suit their target audiences - usually the lowest common denominator. Simply put, the accents are a reflection of a standard movie cliché: foreigners with English accents represents history, foreigners with any other accents represents terrorism. Berate me all you like but it's a common trend that studios bank on. As stated, I wasn't expecting a great deal from this release but I had hoped that it would at least entertain me. The score was fairly predictable but certainly acceptable, the cinematography was all well-and-good and each set and location demonstrated a degree of visual care and consideration. On the other end we have hit-and-miss computer effects that range from stunningly impressive to laughably poor. The action seemed pretty well choreographed but due to the fact that the editing was so sloppy and, at times, completely fucking indecipherable, you couldn't normally tell what was happening. I'm not trying to sound like an old guffer who simply can't keep up with moving images but entire scenes leap ahead of one another with no consideration for passage of time. On top of that, we have the abysmal acting, lacking passion and chemistry; not to mention the dire attempts at humour crowbared in at the last minute. I had hoped that a flick led by Jake Gyllenhaal, under the direction of Mike Newell, would have created something enjoyable, nothing stellar but a significantly entertaining piece. All-in-all, this film boils down to an over-funded mess from start to finish. Release Date: UK - 28th May 2010 US - 28th May 2010 The Scene To Look Out For: **Major plot spoilers herein** The story became increasingly more ludicrous as it progresses, culminating in a mindboggling finale. Throughout the film we are told that the sands of time are contained within a large crystal (or something like that) and if one were to press the jewel on the dagger, they would not only turn back time but also unleash an apocalyptic sandstorm. Ok? Make sense? Don't push the button when the knife's in the thingy. Good. Well, Nizam and Dastan are both wrestling over the knife, which is plunged in the glass, causing it to crack. All of a sudden and without explanation, events rewind and return Dastan to the initial siege of Alamut; this allows him to counsel his brother, expose his uncle and woo the princess. I'm not entirely sure if I missed something but wasn't that very act supposed to destroy the world? I realise I will no doubt receive an email or two saying I should 'stop over-analysing, switch my brain off and just enjoy it for what it is' - the adopted motto of all bad films. Notable Characters: So, Sheik Amar. Walking through the desert, Dastan and Tamina come across a rather obnoxious dodgy businessman that feels much like a cockney wide-boy comic relief. Harping on about tax dodging and 'bloody Persians' in one breath and laughing about the success of ostrich racing and get-rich-quick scheme in the next. Sort of like an ancient Del Boy. Most of the characters felt out of place and 2D but this guy was just unbelievable, made all the more insulting by the fact that Alfred Molina was playing the part! Highlighted Quote: "A true king follows the advice of his council but always listens to his own heart above all" In A Few Words: "Sloppy, unimpressive and wholly uninspired schlock" Total Score: 
3/10Matthew Stogdon |
