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ROBIN HOOD Ridley Scott Starring Russell Crowe Cate Blanchett Max Von Sydow William Hurt Mark Strong Oscar Isaac The myths and legends surrounding Robin Hood are somewhat troublesome for filmmakers (or more aptly film viewers), in the sense that they are so vague that almost any speculation can be justified. Originally, the story was called Nottingham and portrayed the Sheriff Of Nottingham in a more sympathetic light, making Robin out to be a thug; that sounded interesting, that sounded like an original spin on the story. However, with five writers - one of whom was still rewriting the story after filming had already begun - what we ended up with was a lot of major alterations and a somewhat unique origin for the legend but one that could ultimately be summed up with one word: bland. I won't spend much time on the plot, as further analysis will only irritate me. Essentially, Robin Hood actually starts off as Robin Longstride [Crowe], a regular bowman in King Richard's crusading army. On the return home, Richard is killed and Robin seizes the opportunity to bugger off back to England with a few of his mates. En route, they come across an ambushed group of English knights and steal their clothes. On return to England, Robin continues to pose as Robert Locksley, an act which is not only encouraged but pretty much suggested by Locksley's real father [Von Sydow]. Robert's wife Marian [Blanchett] barely knew her husband, so she's not overly fussed. On top of that, we have an evil baldy called Godfrey [Strong], who's attempting to forge a civil war to distract the public from a secretly mounting French invasion. Technically speaking, this film is quite solid. The locations were impressive, the visuals were good, the costumes and sound production were all first class. The soundtrack, unfortunately, left a lot to be desired. Say what you will about how awful Prince Of Thieves was, at least it had a powerful and memorable score -- just to be clear, I'm not talking about Bryan Adams. But other than the production elements, the finished product leaves a lot to be desired. Unlike many other critics, I really enjoyed Kingdom Of Heaven, Ridley Scott's last epic action piece. As an individual who has read a great deal about the Crusades, I forgave many of the historical inaccuracies and liberties taken, simply for the fact that the message was right. Robin Hood, on the other hand, has no message. Granted, we all go into films with certain expectations but by removing both Prince John and the Sheriff of Nottingham as the main villains, all we're left with is the barbarism of the French. I'm not saying we need continuous blood-thirsty action or cackling baddies twirling their moustaches but without sufficient dramatic elements or a powerful romance to compensate, all we're left with is padding and filler that leads us to a simple resolution. It's almost as if they took the legend and asked 'what happened the week before Robin Hood moved to Sherwood forest?' -- a greatly improved movie could have been produced if they condensed the current plot into the first hour and actually did something with the end rather than setting it up for a sequel. Personally, I would have killed off Robin. **Spoilers ahead** Alright, here we go, to close my review, a quick summary of the things that pissed me off. Number one, the accents were shite. All of them. All shite. It's not as if it was a case of being a bad accent, more an indecipherable one - that pretty much applies to everyone. Next we have the feral orphan kids. Basically, all the orphans of dead crusaders ran off into the woods and formed a little gang of medieval chavs; made all the more ridiculous when the feral orphans are led in a mounted charge by Marian-in-armour - simply embarrassing nonsense. Then there's the absolute lack of chemistry between anyone as each character stumbles around absentmindedly until the finale. There was the strange support of a Scot, a Welshman and an Irishman (played by two Americans and a Canadian) who were supposed to become Little John, Will Scarlet and the singing one. There was also the whole 'Ye Olde Horny Knave' thing that implied everyone was randy as hell, all the time. And then came the biggest truckload of bull in the form of Max Von Sydow conveniently recalling Robin's lost past. Yes, apparently old, blind Locksley knew Robin's dad and that he was a philosophical stone mason who pretty much wrote the first fucking version of the Magna fucking Carta! The message should have been a man witnessing injustice and sacrificing all by standing up and saying 'this isn't right!' My father absolutely loves the legend of Robin Hood for the chivalry and the adventure (as most do) but I like it for the fact that we have a man who protects the weak when his monarchy (and in effect Government) fail to. I realise this implies I like Robin Hood for the politics more than the archery and sword fighting and that I am a nerdy prat for revealing that. And finally, I was most annoyed by the entire bloody excuse for a plot! What an absolute shambles! Ultimately, the whole thing was as unnecessary and forgettable as that King Arthur mess released in 2004. Considering all those involved, this film was a complete disappointment that will infuriate the British and bore everyone else. To be honest, I doubt we will ever witness a decent cinematic telling of the Robin Hood legend... ever. Release Date: UK - 14th May 2010 US - 14th May 2010 The Scene To Look Out For: The first twenty minutes are actually quite good. England's in poverty, Prince John is a poor excuse for a regent, the Crusades are coming to a close and France and England are in conflict again. But as stated, all this could have been included in the first half of the film before getting to the meat of that robbing the rich and giving to the poor stuff. Notable Characters: I don't think - as so many seemingly do - Crowe was too old for the role (although, historically speaking, I can understand that casting a 46 year old man when the average life expectancy was thirty-something is stupid), I simply believe he was the wrong man for the job. Strangely enough, the only character they managed to get right was Friar Tuck, played by Mark Addy. Other than that, a bloody disgrace all round. Highlighted Quote: "Honest, brave and naïve. There is your Englishman" In A Few Words: "I gave it a chance but in the end I was severely let down. What a waste" Total Score: 
3/10Matthew Stogdon |
