The Red Right Hand
  www.theredrighthand.co.uk





JENNIFER'S BODY
She's Evil.. And Not Just High School Evil

Director
Karyn Kusama

Starring
Megan Fox
Amanda Seyfried
Johnny Simmons

Megan Fox pisses me off - you should all know this by now - she irritates me. More than the woman herself, her rise to fame when she is so clearly devoid of any notable talent frustrates me. On top of that, Juno's overnight success equally irritated the hell out of me. So, two of Jennifer's Body's largest contributing factors are an actress I despise and a writer I can't stand. I'm not saying the movie didn't stand a chance but it wasn't as if I was going to love the thing.

The story itself is reasonably original - as far as mainstream horror goes. The quiet Minnesota town of Devil's Kettle receives a visit from an Indie band desperate for fame and stardom. Two of the onlookers at their gig are best friends, Jennifer - Megan Fox playing the oh-so-popular 'hot' but incredibly fucking stupid girl - and Needy - Jennifer's earnest, nerdy friend, played by Amanda Seyfried. During their opening show, the cruddy back-end-of-nowhere bar burns to the ground, killing several. In the midst of the chaos, the band smuggle Jennifer into their van. Hours later, Jennifer shows up at Needy's house covered in blood. After a rather unnerving encounter, she quickly departs. Jennifer returns to school the following day looking as pristine as ever, oblivious of the traumatic event from the night before. As the film progresses we learn that Jennifer has been possessed by a demon and has begun feeding on the male population of the school.

To be fair, the opening twenty minutes are incredibly deceptive. The quirky dialogue still annoyed me but the suspense and genuinely horrific shots of a ravaged, crimson-toothed Megan Fox were quite frightening and illustrated great potential for a truly riveting horror film. Then it all went to shit. Shortly after Jennifer reveals her true nature to Needy we are dragged through such a tirade of moronic concepts and lagging events that almost completely destroy any present pace and mood. Watching the quality and value steadily depreciate until the rather pointless finale, I found myself getting relatively bored - and just when you think it's over, you're reminded that the setup from the opening ten minutes needs to be resolved. I'm sorry, a horror film can be over-the-top, gratuitous or a tad tasteless yet still be forgiven but tedious, dull and lifeless is inexcusable.

There are, however, two or three praiseworthy points worth mentioning. First off we have the score (not the soundtrack with all those annoying bands, the John Murphy/28 Days Later-esque musical accompaniment). Stephen Barton and Theodore Shapiro make a nice mix with Shapiro drawing on his previous works in comedy and Barton playing heavily with the darker elements. There's also the acting; I've gone into greater detail in my highlighted character section but Amanda Seyfried performed above-and-beyond her role. Even the harpy and teen fap queen, Megan Fox, offers a stellar performance, if only because she was exceptionally bloody creepy and played a slutty, foul mouthed ho-bag (though I doubt that was exactly 'acting').

All-in-all, Jennifer's Body is actually quite a unique horror flick let down because of the writer and director's inexperience with the genre: the dialogue seems out of place, the stalking and killing of boys (not even the bullies or the arseholes) seems unnecessarily misandric, the plot progression is stunted and the direction and cinematography are somewhat below par when compared to horror/slasher classics. All-in-all, a relatively good idea wasted on unsuitable/inept individuals.

Release Date:
6th November 2009

The Scene To Look Out For:
Rather than talking about the only scene that worked really well, I'll talk about the worst. Before revealing her actions, Jennifer decides to seduce Needy. I don't really know why - I think it's supposed to be a demonstration of her power. Anyway, Jennifer tenderly kisses Needy; I say tenderly because we're treated to a whoringly long-winded close up shot of it. Pouty quivering lips, gently lapping tongues, etc. The purpose of this shot? Fuck all as far as I could see. Nothing more than exploitative crap to rouse rowdy responses from the audience. Cheap and pointless.

Notable Characters:
From the opening narration Amanda Seyfried has complete control over the scenes she's in. She demonstrates a clear ability to convey all the necessary emotions that have been written off as 'girl looks scared and screams' throughout several similar projects. There's also J.K. Simmons playing a teacher with a strong Minnesota accent, a wig and a hook for a hand. . . why? Fuck knows, never explained. It's mildly amusing though.

Highlighted Quote:
"He was tall and skinny and evil.. like this petrified tree I once saw as a kid"

In A Few Words:
"A wasted opportunity, saved only by the lead performances"

Total Score:
4/10


Matthew Stogdon