The Red Right Hand
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TERMINATOR: SALVATION
The End Begins

Director
McG

Starring
Christian Bale
Sam Worthington
Anton Yelchin
Moon Bloodgood

Alright, let's get this out of the way for those new to the series: The Terminator was an amazingly innovative science fiction film that pushed the envelope in cinematic animatronics and prosthetics at the same time as providing a captivating story. Terminator II: Judgement Day was more of the same thing and once again advanced cinema, heralding the birth of mainstream computer generated effects. Terminator 3: Rise Of The Machines had a tough time finding an audience and an even more difficult task attempting to recreate the first two films as well usher in the foretold apocalypse - but, in all dutiful fairness, I believe it stuck to the rules and was rather entertaining. So, twenty five years after the original Terminator film hit the screens we are now being treated to the 'Connor future wars' fans have been eagerly anticipating... and as I left the cinema all I wanted to say was a very crass, very direct and very immature, "Fuck that film! Fuck Terminator! Fuck McG! Fuck! Fuck! FUCK!"

The story opens in 2003 with death-row inmate, Marcus Wright [Worthington], agreeing to surrender his body to Cyberdyne systems for experimentation. Following his supposed execution 'judgement day' happens; the all-powerful defence system Skynet deems humanity a threat and begins its war, launching all nuclear devices on major cities and metropolises. 2018 and the war between the small patches of human survivors and the ever-expanding machine army wages on. Cue our reintroduction to John Connor [Bale], long foretold military genius and leader of the resistance... but not yet. Following a botched mission Connor loses his entire unit and somehow awakens/activates Marcus. The film's plot then splits in two, partly following Connor's frustration with the decisions made by the resistance leaders and Marcus' exploration of an unfamiliar barren wasteland. As the story progresses we realise that both threads have an element in common, Kyle Reese [Yelchin], the soon-to-be time travelling father of John Connor and some young sprat who inadvertently saves Marcus from an attack. Eventually, Reese is abducted and taken to Skynet headquarters with thousands of other human slaves and it's up to a combined effort from Marcus and Connor to save him... but will Marcus' true nature come between them? Didn't I mention that? Marcus is a terminator. Oh, and before you prattle on about spoilers, it's explained in all the trailers, so I'm not exactly divulging anything new.

There's so much that's frightfully amiss in this release that I thought I would start out with the positive elements. First of all, what effects shots have been used were reasonably well executed and everything looked pretty impressive. Secondly, there's a brief Arnold Schwarzenegger cameo (sort of) but I've gone into much greater detail about this in my highlighted character section below. That's it. That's almost everything likable about this film; everything else is an abysmal, repetitive onslaught void of value and forethought.

It's difficult to know where to start explaining how this film went so very wrong. I think it best to highlight what should have been. As stated, T3 got a lot of flak but at least it depicted a war fought at night, over mountains of human skulls and vast brigades of mechanised soldiers spitting neon laser blasts - the 'war' that Cameron's characters originally described. I understand the time I'm referring to is further off in the future than Salvation was set but I just didn't get the feeling we were watching the same franchise. For some reason, the resistance operates out of military hangers, utilises a great deal of aerial support, sends out daily radio messages to support, unite and comfort fellow fighters and only fights during daylight hours. Every single one of these elements pissed me off. Every last one. First of all, Skynet's first target was both military and civilian, so the thought of all these military resources lying around is unlikely. Second, the machines aren't supposed to be stupid, if you send out a radio message every single day with some propaganda filled rhetoric, they're going to track it and kill you. And finally, they fight during the day because the machines work better at night!? Piss off. That goes against everything said in the previous films.

Alright, next point: John fucking Connor. Christian Bale's a great actor, he has warranted an enormous amount of respect from me, in 2005 I praised him as the most notable male actor of the year and yet more and more he seems to believe in the myth that he is some form of acting god and if anyone disagrees he'll just shout at them until they see it his way. It's no coincidence that John Connor shares the same initials as Jesus and James Cameron layered his film with undertones of the sheer paradox of his conception, the importance of his birth and the part he will play in years to come. As the series developed, we saw Connor become more human, questioning what events helped shape this man into the leader he was born to be. For some reason, Bale was seemingly projecting Bale and not Connor, he wasn't the character he needed to be and as such I never got behind him or his cause. I'm probably alone in that and I don't care. Surprisingly, Sam Worthington offered more depth with the cyborg Marcus but as his back-story is never properly addressed and his motives, lines and drive completely cliché, it's not really worth mentioning. Equally, I think Danny Elfman is a very talented musician and composer but his part-homage score was largely dull and wholly forgettable. Actually, the same could be said for most of the supporting cast.

**Spoiler paragraphs, skip to the end if you wish**
And now on to the most infuriating elements of the film: the holes and clichés. Every action film is littered with plot holes and various moments that require audiences to suspend disbelief. A certain degree of faith is always necessary but at the end all we demand is a fruitful resolution - in other words, an ending that makes sense. It's a simple trade-off, you give me a great story and amazing visuals and I'll overlook the whole naked time-travelling, machines that build machines that look like people bullshit. Ok, let's start with the obvious. Somehow Skynet is aware that Kyle Reese is John Connor's father. A lot of people are pissed off about this as it is always implied that Skynet have few records on Connor and therefore could not ascertain his origins, all they knew was he had a mother who trained him. They attempt to kill her and fail. Turns out the reason they have no record of the father is because he's from the future. Alright? Following so far? However, I think, there may be a way out of that argument. If only because Sarah Connor was detained in a psychiatric facility and rigorously interviewed, so I imagine something may have slipped there and the machines have access to online files, blah blah. Alright, so that takes care of that. What I can't explain and what the writers (and I use that in the loosest sense) have failed to realise is that if Skynet knew who Connor's father was and then managed to capture him, why would you detain him to lure in Connor? Why not simply kill Reese there and then? You give me an answer to that and I will bow to you as the greater critic and intellect.

There are other great flaws, here's just a few: why would all the survivors be either hot women or beefy guys? Reese once described the women of his time as 'good fighters' nothing more. And if everyone is fighting for survival, living off of scraps, surely they would be fast, lean killers, not hulking behemoths. Then there's Skynet and the machines themselves. I recently had a conversation about zombie plans and confessed that in a Terminator-style scenario, I could not see a human victory. Luckily for us, this new Skynet is really, really fucking stupid. The Terminator (T800 model 101) is one of the most terrifying creations of the late twentieth century and its relentless pursuit of one target makes it a formidable enemy for mankind. This is, I might remind you, a machine - a cold, calculating device that operates in such a manner - one enemy, one bullet; that kind of thing. But despite this fact, those involved in this film insist it thinks like a human, so much so that regular podcast guest Mr. Daniel Wickham exclaimed, "Why are they ducking? It's a fucking heat-seeking machine! And what's with the spotlights? This isn't Nazi Germany!" My problem isn't the evolution of artificial intelligence (the concept that there is a hierarchy - older models being less advanced than the latest batch) it's the fact that this film makes up its own rules and then turns on them. You detonate a mine in a car or play loud music and the machines will find you within minutes but build a cosy campfire or napalm a line of trees and the enemy will be none the wiser. Then there's the motorbike terminators... which sort of make sense... wheeled terminating machines that can project the velocity and directional heading of debris before performing some neat skidding move but somehow manages to miss a stationary trip wire, running right into it. Shortly after downing one of these bike units, Connor hacks the machine with a handy USB port.. but where the hell would Connor sit on that thing anyway!? And why do the Hunter Killers have fucking button pads? Who the fuck is going to use that!? And why does the T600 kill a prisoner with three shots yet have immense difficulty hitting the broad side of a barn, let alone a stationary target not twenty feet in front of him!? And what's with the retinal scanning of the stolen bike's eye.. wouldn't Skynet refuse access to a fucking drone BIKE deactivating the detention unit? AND WHY WAS THERE A FUCKING STOOL IN SKYNET'S MAIN COMMAND CENTRE!? WHO IN THE FUCK IS GOING TO SIT ON THAT!?

There's also the age-old argument that I am sick of highlighting in every single film with robots, which asks how a man can realistically fight a machine. A machine is a set of metal pipes and pistons, if you were to be physically hit it would more than likely break most of your bones. In addition to this, the machine's hand is a vice grip (something that T3 addressed), if it grabs you by the neck, arm, leg, whatever, you're going to lose that appendage. Hitting isn't going to achieve a great deal, it would be like punching a tank! I hate the arrogance of humanity that we can just muscle our way past immense obstacles. And finally (because I really have to stop this rant) I went into the cinema thinking that maybe the only problem would be poor writing and too many action sequences, when in truth almost nothing happened for the first hour and when we are finally treated to epic action sequences they were absolutely abysmal! Ok, I've got to stop typing now.

In summation, everything about this film stinks. I hate it. I hate it so much I can't see straight. And yet, there is one final comment I would like to make; an observation that made my heart sink a little. Throughout this entire review I have praised The Terminator for its genius. In truth, that film paved the way for shitty effects-driven films. Only in the sense that it pushed the CGI picture and created a monster that would later fall into the hands of filmmakers who didn't fully understand it, those who believed a story was irrelevant as long as you inject as many visual effects as possible... essentially, just as humanity created their own nemesis in Skynet, Terminator created this.

We have but ourselves to blame.

Release Date:
5th June 2009

The Scene To Look Out For:
Alright, I suppose I could highlight the potential rape scene. Marcus finds his way to the resistance base thanks to assisting Blair [Bloodgood], both helping her down from some pylon after her ejection chute gets tangled and after three hillbilly survivors attempt to rape her. Everything about it was so bloody stupid. "Are you hurt?" then she inspects her shoulder, exposing her cleavage before stating, "I'll be fine." Then after they fend off the rapists, they light a fire and laugh about the good times whilst cuddling up to one another. It was just devastating, as if we were stepping out of the machine-riddled apocalypse and entering some sort of Mad Max, world-gone-crazy environment.

Notable Characters:
The 'acting' largely consisted of dramatic male posturing, headachy staring contests and gruff-voice exchanges that would sound so ridiculous in real life. So, who does that leave? The female cast members perhaps? There's a little mute girl called Star who does little for the film except turn up with useful props at the most convenient of times, Connor's heavily pregnant wife who offers nothing to the film and a perky young rebel who likes Marcus and plays out the I love the cause but I also love the double agent cliché to it's horribly logical conclusion. So, they're all out. The machines? Nah, they're dumb as hell, looked like Transformers and sounded like the tripods from Spielberg's War Of The Worlds But there was one; one machine that made me smile. Arnie. Yes, I have to say, the two minute cameo of a computer generated Arnold Schwarzenegger was absolutely spot-on, I was simply speechless. Everything else? Shit.

Highlighted Quote:
"There is no extraction plan for the prisoners.. we're going to level the place"

In A Few Words:
"With more plot holes than Independence Day and half the action sequences, Terminator: Salvation is simply flat-out insulting"

Total Score:
2/10


Matthew Stogdon