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NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM Shawn Levy Starring Ben Stiller Amy Adams Hank Azaria Alright, this is how it's going to play out. I'm going to give you a nice simple rundown of the plot and proceedings of this film, followed by the highs and lows and then a neat little summary. However, I also intend to dedicate a paragraph or two to the things that really, really pissed me off... and I mean to the extent that The Da Vinci Code irritates the hell out of me. All agreed? Grand. The first instalment of Night At The Museum was far from perfect; so much so that it was decidedly average. Granted, the visual effects were commendable and the humour spiked occasionally but overall it was a sappy mess; having said that, it made a great deal of cash, hence sequel. The base premise focuses on the modernisation of the exhibits and subsequently the wax counterparts are being sent to deep-storage in the Smithsonian Archives (for those that don't know it's a collection of themed museum and exhibits in Washington DC). Larry [Stiller], no longer the museum night guard, is now head of his own company, living a life of success. Thanks to the actions of a mischievous primate, the Egyptian tablet that brings the exhibits to life is stolen and it's up to Larry to travel to Washington to sort things out. Cue typical sequel scenarios of bigger, grander exhibits/sets and a whole host of new characters. So, let's deal with the shorter list and analyse the positive elements first. Once again, Levy has created a visually enthralling piece, littered with effects shots which captivate the imagination. In addition to this, Alan Silvestri has produced a fittingly epic score which rolls and thunders throughout the entire proceedings. I... I think that's about it. Yeah, pretty much. So, that leaves us with the down side. Unfortunately, rather than improving upon the first film, Night At The Museum II makes the typical mistake of trying to cram too much in and failing to really sell the 'fun' element. The jokes were tired, recycled and stereotypical, not to mention dragged out far too long; the historical inaccuracies were infuriating; the potential within the Smithsonian was hideously underused and the writing was absolutely appalling. In summation, this is just another classic example of an uninspired sequel of an effects film that made a bit of money. Very disappointing. **Plenty of spoilers ahead... and some bad language** For fuck's sake! Is this seriously what has become of kid's films? The general insistence that every joke has to be moronic, immature and overly drawn out? That we should all simply 'get used' to poorly written flicks? Bullshit! To quote Bernard Black, up with this I will not put! The following isn't really a continuing analysis or even an extension of thought, it's a list in rant form. So many elements of this film annoyed the crap out of me and for some reason I feel narked enough to share them. First we have the villains: Al Capone, Napoleon Bonaparte and Ivan The Terrible, all led by Kahmunrah (see highlighted character). Of all the evil characters (Hitler comes to mind), you choose these three? How fucking stupid can you get? I'm sorry, that one is going to piss me off beyond all recognition, so we'll just move on from there. At one stage Kahmunrah has placed the miniature cowboy, Jedediah [Owen Wilson] in an hourglass and threatened to kill all Larry's friends unless he solves some riddle. In the first film Larry discovers that the tiles on the tablet need to be in a specific order to bring things to life - surely he could have just stopped everything by rearranging the centre tile? And even if you decided not to go with that it would have been such a quick fix, all you would need to say is 'oh, you can't turn the tiles once everything is alive'. Simple as that! Just an example of the shoddy, shoddy writing. Furthermore, threatening to suffocated Jed was a little stupid, the first film illustrated that these exhibits are incapable of dying - didn't we see civil war mannequins ripping each other apart again and again? Then there's Amy Adams as Amelia Earhart incorrectly informing Larry that the Cherubim are 'cupids' ..fucking idiot. There's also the mobile phone joke in the end credits that was absolute crappola for the fact that Ericsson made the first mobile phone and Motorola is not a family name, it was a combination of Motor and Victrola; tards. NASA never used capuchin monkeys and since when can Larry understand what MONKEYS SAY!? Colonel/General (depending on which army you're talking about) Custer is a point of great debate to this day but the overall consensus is that he was pretty much into the whole ethnic cleansing thing, and while Bill Hader did a fair-enough job it's still messed up that he gets vindicated in this film... and how did Custer know how to drive a motorbike? Then we have the swooping, gliding sort-of-chase flight of the Wright Brothers' first plane …which in truth only stayed off the ground for maybe twelve minutes. But my biggest complaints can be found with the film's final scenes. Not one camera or security guard noticed anything going on? In fact there were no guards or alarms at the Smithsonian at all. That's just dumb. Also, following the 'epic' battle at the Smithsonian, did everything simply remain a travesty? Were there no reports the next morning about the colossal mess and devastation? And finally, the biggest problem I had with the film, the one that left me muttering 'oh for crying out loud' sparked off with the line "We've only got an hour until sunrise" because apparently that's more than enough time to get back to New York with all the displays crammed into a tiny plane and for Ms. Earhart to fly back to the Smithsonian. Initially I had some gripes and grumbles about the proximity effects of the tablet but I think it was loosely established in the first film that as long as everything was back within the museum walls by sunrise, it wouldn't turn to dust. Which means that Amelia's little jaunt back to the museum wouldn't have been affected by something like distance to/from the tablet. Whatever, it's fucking stupid. I could get into time-zones and distances and the existence of unlimited fuel in an exhibited plane but I really really really can't be arsed. To someone who enjoys both films and museums (yeah, I know, my life is an incredibly boring geekfest), the whole thing just generated an overwhelming swell of irritation. At the end of the day, there's always willing suspension of disbelief to ensure full enjoyment of a fantastical piece but this is asking far too much. If you're going to do a piece set in a museum at least try to get your facts right for crying out loud. And as I type these words I sigh, knowing full-well that I'm going to get so many emails headed with those golden words that every critic hates hearing: Lighten up, it's just a movie. Release Date: 22nd May 2009 The Scene To Look Out For: Two points to quickly note. The first is a brief interaction with a museum guide who knows nothing about the exhibits, demonstrated by her leading a group and gleefully saying, "Look at these old planes hanging from the ceiling, aren't they weird looking?" That amused me a little. Then we have the 300-esque fight scene from the miniatures. Again, mildly amusing. Notable Characters: Hank Azaria's role as the evil Kahmunrah was a little ridiculous. The lisp was dumb, the contemporary American attitude was stupid and the pop culture references were hopelessly retarded. However, Azaria's a very good comedic character actor and as such, very enjoyable to watch. Hence, he really did save and steal most of the feature, in the same way that Robin Williams made the first film endurable. Even one of those long, drawn out jokes that I hate was rather funny if only to hear Kahmunrah frantically and immaturely protesting, "Oh my God! I can't believe you did all three! You spoke, you interrupted and you put your hand across the... I'm going to kill you now. I'm going to murder you" Highlighted Quote: "We're Americans! We don't plan, we do!" In A Few Words: "Tedious, dull and littered with plot holes, this could have easily been renamed Evening At The Cinema II: Battle To Stay Awake" Total Score: 
3/10Matthew Stogdon |
