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HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE Peter Chelsom Starring Miley Cyrus Billy Ray Cyrus Lucas Till People misunderstand me. They read these grumpy reviews and assume that a cold, callous person such as myself could never let his guard down and experience a children's film (or even a overly-romantic film) solely on the basis of what it is. This is not only untrue it is incredibly unfair. I like to think that I offer an unbiased insight into an example of the cinematic medium. This piece of crud, however, is such a foul tale oozing with saccharine nonsense that it's almost unbearable. For those that don't watch the Hannah Montana television series (a number which includes myself), the story centres on a young female pop singer who escapes the paparazzi-driven madness of fame by leading dual lives. One is common, unappreciated school girl, Miley Stewart [M.Cyrus] but when she dons a blonde wig and a grotesque amount of lipstick she transforms into teen sensation, Hannah Montana [also M.Cyrus - if you were wondering]. There you go, that's pretty much all the back story you need. The film feels like an extended episode in which Miley is forced to discover her roots, remember who she is and realise that the Hannah Montana lifestyle is an act and not all there is to life, blah blah blah. The whole thing is so horribly wooden and disgracefully predictable but what would you expect from a nasty little Disney release based on a nasty little Disney TV show? Absolutely nothing new is explored, the characters come full circle and everyone learns something.. it's just another way to cash in on a franchise. I must admit, the direction and production were top draw and as such this movie wasn't wholly gut-wrenching but that does not make up for the additional abysmal elements that sunk this flaming wreck. Release Date: 1st May 2009 The Scene To Look Out For: I must confess, I did enjoy the immaturity of the 'big reveal' when Travis [Till] finds out Miley's secret and storms off in a huff. So fracking stupid and predictable. Notable Characters: Emily Osment's stint as Lilly Truscott was mildly amusing, if only because she dramatically exclaims, "I will never ever forgive you!" and then decides to forgive Miley after one of those sickeningly mushy Disney speeches. Highlighted Quote: "She likes you, you like her, why do you have to make it so complicated?" In A Few Words: "You know what Oedipus did after he did the nasty with his mum? Yeah, I don't have any pins but if I find any, my eyes are getting gouged out" Total Score: 
2/10Matthew Stogdon |
