| The Red Right Hand
Let's be honest with ourselves. It's alright, nobody's listening; we can be frank. You don't really want to hear what I have to say, do you? It's alright, you can admit it. The only reason you've clicked on this review is to witness me tear apart a completely unforgivable flick, like a lioness hunting a limping, baby antelope. Of course, in reality, the antelope is carrying a biological contagion that will infect the whole animal kingdom and the lioness represents every single decent human being who want nothing more than to bring down this terrible "[insert generic word] Movie" franchise.
You and I both know that referencing a film is not the same as spoofing or parodying it, right? To say this film 'parodies' Iron Man would conjure images of a film following a similar plot while completely tearing apart a popular action blockbuster for its minor flaws. No, wrong; according to directors (and I use that word in the loosest possible sense) Friedberg and Seltzer, a parody consists of one thing - you want to spoof Iron Man? Simple! You hire a thirty dollar costume from some fancy dress place and parade them around on screen for two or three minutes before disposing of them quickly - in this case, a tornado that randomly hurls cows about. From start-to-finish, the ill-formed, poorly written jokes are haphazardly strung together following a Cloverfield-esque monster story. The truth is the title is completely inaccurate. I (pointlessly) complained that the 'epic movies' chosen for parody in Epic Movie were far from what the title implied; the same applies here. Rather than targeting disaster movies such as The Poseidon Adventure or The Towering Inferno (even The Day After Tomorrow, although this is sort of referenced), Friedberg and Seltzer just highlight anything released this year. I read a rather entertaining review of this flick from one very, very misguided soul:
You would need to have seen the movies they are making fun with, in order to find this movie even more funny. The joke here being that the script was written before the films in question were released. So you would probably 'find it even more funny' if you had heard of the films or seen the trailers. This movie is like one big laugh, One big joke would be more accurate. you can barely catch your breath before the next thing crack you up, you would have to be extremely dull if you do not find this movie the slightest big funny. You constantly get surprised of the makers ways of introducing stuff, you just sit back laugh and wonder how the hell did they come up with stuff like that. How indeed?
I could happily sit here and spout abuse for hours but my The Da Vinci Code review taught me that if you lay into a film too much, you only serve to discredit your argument. With that in mind I will simply close this review by saying, you may be curious because this film is hated so much by so many but trust me, there's no entertainment to be had and you're only going to regret it; I promise you. If you did happen to see this film and enjoy it, please email me your name and address... I'm coming over with some real films to re-educate your pathetic little mind!
5th September 2008
The Scene To Look Out For:
There was one particular 'parody' in which (the desperate attention seeker) Carmen Electra was replaying the dodge the target/hit the bull scene from Wanted only to get shot in the head... I found that mildly amusing. It's not worth the admission or the discomfort of the rest of the movie but I thought it was worth a mention; especially after I had to sit through that Godawful I Want Candy nonsense. OR a forty second long burp. Yep, within minutes of this film starting up a strange sabre-tooth Amy Winehouse burps in some caveman's face for forty seconds. I know that may not sound like much but just sit there and count from 1 - 40 and imagine watching an on-screen burp the entire time. It's painful!
My favourite characters would probably be the extras, if only for the fact that nobody comes up to them and enquires, “Amy Winehouse?” “Wolf from American Gladiators?” “Iron Man?” just so we can establish who the poor look-alike is supposed to be imitating.
"Everyone's on Facebook"
In A Few Words:
"I... I don't understand. Who is paying to see these films? Why are they so successful?"